Dear Vogue: My body parts, including my boobs, are not a fashion trend.

Earlier this week. fashion bible British Vogue declared that cleavage is out.

Gone. Donzo. Saaaah last season.

“Take Alicia Vikander at the Golden Globes in high-necked Louis Vuitton this year, or Gucci’s modern spin on the prim pussybow blouse,” the iconic publication began.

cleavage is dead
Cover it up, Riri. Source: Getty.

"The Wonderbra is no longer the frontrunner of department store sales lists and even the corset has had a cleavage-free makeover at Prada," they added finally while rendering the body types of millions of women off-trend.

Because ICYMI, the most important fashion accessory you'll ever come to own is your body. And unlucky for you, its worth varies substantially from season to season.


So while those curves may have had their moment in 2016, it was just that. A moment. And now it's done.

The same thing happened to the athletic glamazon supermodels of the 1990s and then the heroin-chic waifs of the 2000s. So no hard feelings, right? Because #fashun.

As you'd expect, both Vogue and the author of the "think piece" have come under fire since announcing the new sartorial standard, claiming that the "think piece" is in no way condemning one's chest, but the way in which we now present them to the world.

A photo posted by Robyn Lawley (@robynlawley) on


Which, apparently, is better?

"Just to be clear: @BritishVogue cleavage story is not about breast size, large or small, being "in" or "out", the article's author Kathleen Baird-Murray tweeted on Wednesday.  "It's saying that fashion designers are creating more natural, comfortable clothes that focus on other erogenous zones than just the cleavage."

cleavage is dead
Your fashion trend is dead, ladies. Source: Getty.

Whether or not Baird-Murry sees herself as a participator or an observer of the fashion industry is irrelevant - her voice and words have the weight and mean something to the millions of people who read them.

Because unlike last season's Prada loafers, or a garish Louis Vuitton bowler bag that was oh-so-on-trend ten years ago, the genetic makeup of a person can't be bought, sold or swapped online for something different when the climate changes.

And given that everybody participates in the fashion industry every day of the week, every time they get dressed, it seems reasonable that every body type - big boobs and all - is given licence and authority operate however the hell they want.