To my adored friends and family,
We need to talk.
I love that you love my kids. My kids love that you love my kids.
I love that come Christmas, their piles under the tree are teetering towers of enormousness, and not even half of it cost me a cent. Or, more importantly, several hours of rummaging around on the lower shelves of the racks at Toys R Us while people step on my head.
Holly and her family preparing for the Christmas period.
I love that you thought about them long enough to consider them when you were Christmas shopping. I love that you remembered that Matilda is still in her pink phase and that Billy genuinely thinks he’s a dinosaur.
I love that about you. Seriously.
But here’s the thing. And I know I sound like an ungrateful arse. I may well be an ungrateful arse, and a bad mother, for what I am about to say. But someone needs to say it, so here goes.
Not all presents are good presents.
You see, anything you buy for my children will live in my house and impact my life. And call me selfish, call me Grinchy, but to be honest, things are pretty fraught around here at the best of times, and throw in a blaring plastic fire engine with no volume control and life could really take a turn.
So here, so we can all still be friends, are the six things that you should please refrain from buying my kids this Christmas. Believe me, I’m doing us all a favour.