How much do you love this time of year? Your troubles miles away, faithful friends gathering near to you, frolicking and playing and hanging all those shiny stars on the highest boughs.
(Oh Bing. You make it all so real for us.)
Well, until your two-year-old pulls the shiny stars off those boughs, knocks the tree over (again) and eats seven candy canes, plastic wrapper and all.
Christmas with kids.
It’s 20 times the wrapping paper, eight times the chocolate and 100% less sleep.
Oh that first year is delightful. All those firsts. Your gurgling bundle laid under the tree adorned in a baby Santa hat bewildered by the twinkly lights while you carefully open tastefully wrapped presents of “Baby’s first Christmas onseies” and “Bubs First photo frame.”
You manage a Christmas day nap and avoid most of the rellies with cries of exhaustion from all those late night feeds. If it was snowing outside and a log was crackling on the fire you could almost bottle it couldn’t you?
Well enjoy it while you can, cause it ain’t going to be repeated. Ever.
Christmas AK (that’s after kids for the uninitiated).
10 ways Christmas AK is different:
1. The tree.
Your Christmas tree goes from stylishly Pinterest-worthy decorated in two artful designer colours, with a wistful carefully placed owl or two… to being choc full of homemade Christmas decorations. Laden down with pre-school artworks, photo frames, and stuck on bits of cotton wool. The lights will be at least three different colours and will flash in a sequence to the beat of Jingle Bells.
2. Shopping is hell.
Before kids Christmas shopping is a thrill, you write a list, you take your time browsing several stores, you stop for a festive nightcap and to listen to the carolers outside David Jones. Oh the atmosphere. Oh the experience.
After kids. It’s like a living hell. You will frantically grab whatever lurid piece of plastic you can get your hands on before you lose your toddler in the toystore. You will lose your shit approximately seven times and will spend just as much time in the queue to buy treats to shut your kids up as you spent trying to find pram-friendly parking.
3. The pre-game.
Organising before kids was something you began in early December. You started writing lists and colour coordinating your wrapping paper with your Christmas cards.
After kids organising actually starts in the June sales. (Good girl.)
But by the time December rolls around you have forgotten where you stashed half the stuff you’ve bought, and the other half always seem to be all for one kid. There’s one child with ten presents and the other child has just three Lego sets of exactly the same Star Wars figure.