celebrity

Chrissy Teigen and John Legend have reached a naming stalemate, and it's a trap.

Just when we thought we had about as much in common with celebrity power couple Chrissy Teigen and John Legend as chia seeds have with Big Macs, it turns out they have the same family quarrels we do.

After revealing earlier this month that they had adopted an adorable bulldog puppy as a playmate for 18-month-old daughter, Luna, the pair have hit a thoroughly relatable roadblock faced by many a parent or pet owner before them. They can’t agree on a name.

In an Instagram post over the weekend, Chrissy explained that she likes the name Paul, while husband, John, prefers Pablo.

Chrissy is anti-Pablo because she and Luna can’t pronounce it (we’ll give the baby the benefit of the doubt, but Chrissy, really?) but John refuses to accept the pup is a Paul, and so on, and so on.

For the love of tear-inducing piano ballads, please God, don’t let this tear America’s most beautiful family apart.

Followers quickly weighed in on the couple’s dilemma, including Kim Kardashian, who was, unsurprisingly, pro-Pablo.

Some floated the idea of a hybrid name like ‘Paulo’. Or ‘Paublo’. Then there was the bloke who suggested ‘Bob’, because, ‘Straya.

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So what do you do when your household reaches an impasse in the naming process? When each person has finally settled on their one perfect name, but they just don’t match?

Surely the stakes are too high for rock-paper-scissors? One wrong strategic move and you could be stuck with a kid called Moonbeam.

When neither party is willing to compromise, is it best to abandon both names and go back to the drawing board? Is that a waste of viable options or the only fair thing to do?

Listen to This Glorious Mess: Please don’t name your baby Jakxxson. Post continues after audio.

If relationships are just two people constantly deciding what to have for dinner each night, what do you do when it’s the Grand Final of decisions and one of you wants Chinese but the other wants pizza, and whatever choice you make you end up eating every night for the rest of your natural lives?

Names are deeply subjective. We write them off because of that kid in primary school or that co-worker who smelt weird. We love them because of frivolous reasons like phonetics, or how they look written, or because that girl, Olivia, we met that one time was sweet and therefore all Olivias must be sweet.

Multiply these factors by two, or three, or however many people are in your family and you’ll go cross-eyed.

Don’t even get me started on school teachers. How they even manage to name a goldfish astounds me.

Once you find The Name that ticks all the boxes it can be hard to pivot. And if you’re the one forced to do the compromising, how do you avoid fantasising about pizza every night while the deep seeds of resentment build up over your plate of Chinese?

What is the answer? Do you take turns? I’ll name the first child and you name the next one?

Google suggests asking a third party to decide for you, but that sounds like a trap.

If you already have a child, would you turn to them to end the deadlock? See earlier thoughts on Moonbeam.

You could keep both and use one as a middle name, but let’s be real – middle names aren’t the big leagues.

So, who wins?

While we wait with bated breath to see how the Teigen-Legend saga unfolds, I’d like to know: how did your family end a naming stalemate?

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