I can’t hold onto a long-term relationship.
Guys lose patience. I lose their interest.
I can’t help it if I work at a startup where it might take 8 hours until I respond back to their text. Nor can I promise my weekends to them. Work is just too important to me.
Sure, I can split 50–50 between a relationship and work (as many of you would suggest), but I’d only be half-assing at both. At this point, I can only choose one.
A conversation from seven years ago, when I was still with my ex:
“Tiffany, I want you to be serious with me for the next 10 minutes. I tried applying for a crap-ton of jobs, and let’s just say things aren’t going the way I expected. You know my dad in China? He told me there’s a diamond store I can run and that I can be part of his team for his real estate projects. I know China might not be the place for you, but the best opportunities are there right now.
“…Tiffany, I love you — inside and out. But I want you to have a choice. You can either come with me to China and we can be together. Or you can stay here with your mum and dad, find a job, and grow your career. It’d make me super happy if you chose to be with me, but I will also be happy for you if you decide to make your life here. But know that if you choose to stay, I can’t promise that we’ll still be together. Long distance is tough — your day is my night, my day is your night.
“So how about this? Think about what I said, talk to your mum and dad. Then tell me what you want to do.”
I was completely split between these two decisions.
Do I want to give up this 3+ year relationship I had going for a stable life? Or should I follow my heart and hope my future would be better off than what I have now?
With that, I chose love.
China wasn’t my ideal place to live in
Imagine for a second that it’s the 1950s, and you’re walking down the streets of New York City. You’ve got air pollution clouding the 30th floor of skyscrapers. People fighting to get onboard a jam-packed bus. Cars honking every five seconds.
Yup. China was my home for two good years.
But even with these shabby conditions, I continued to pursue my passion for cooking, kept fit and healthy, taught English at the most reputable school in the city, made new friends, learned Chinese off the streets. Out of all of them though, I made sure my ex was well-taken care of. After all, he was my world.
Days slid by slowly. And while that allowed me to enjoy the simplest things in life, it also intensified the stress I had to deal with on an hourly basis. At any moment, our power could go out. Or out of the random, my ex would call me to pick him up, because he got too wasted from “ganbei-ing” with government officials and high profile businessmen.