Some genius created cheese-like chocolate slices for bread.

Someone’s invented chocolate slices for bread. Like the rubbery cheese ones, but chocolatey.

This sounds like a great idea in theory, but the more you think about, the more disturbing it becomes.

JUST LOOK AT THEM:

It’s like the snack-based equivalent of that time your housemate convinced you that putting a piece of supermarket brand chocolate cake between two slices of bread and testing the capabilities of your sandwich maker was a good idea.

It’s like Vegemite’s iSnack 2.0.

It’s like eating an entire packet of strawberry shortcakes in one sitting.

All of these things seem like fantastic idea when you’re stoned and, almost, at no other time.

I’m no physician and I’m certainly no health nut, but these tiny squares of ganache do not look good for you.

In fact, they look a bit like if someone ate your Nutella toast for you, digested it, took a stool sample and packaged it into small pieces of translucent plastic.

The slices (aka the thing most likely to cause your untimely death) are made by Japanese company Bourbon and can only be purchased in bulk packets of 60. SIXTY.

They were introduced to the world by Twitter-user Mitsuhiro Saito apparently captioned “I bought a slice of chocolate like cheese. Get involved,” or something along those lines.

On the companies website they are described thus: “Full-bodied deep, melting in the mouth smooth ganache is now in slice form with a thickness of 2mm.”

It also provides some helpful photographic instructions showing how to put your slices to best use.

Aside from the obvious (and serious) public health implications of a global roll out of such a product, I personally am not sure I can stomach the texture of them.

Can you just imagine holding one aloft between finger and thumb and watching it jiggle? Food should never, ever jiggle.

Thankfully, cheese-like chocolate slices remain safely contained to Japan. For now.