If you are one of those “Unplugged Parents”, stop reading now. You are about to want to set your hair on fire.
One third of children under five have their OWN tablet device. A third.
It is safe to assume that since your average iPad costs between $500-$800, the toddlers did not save up and buy them themselves. So that means an enormous number of parents are spending a lot more on their children than I do.
And now, it seems those children are using their new toys to fully enter the consumer economy. Yes, some of them are using their new devices to buy more stuff.
In a recent wide-ranging survey about kids and technology out of the UK, it was found that of those kids who had access to a tablet, between 10-13% of children UNDER TWO had bought things online.
Things? What things?
Apps, mostly. Even the tiniest of children know that the free apps parents have approved are really only a tantalising gateway to the good shit if only mum will let you UNLOCK THE IN-APP PURCHASES.
But give a baby free-rein with your credit card details and a device in a kid-proof case, our house would be a mess of all things that we won’t let them buy. Things like:
Expect a crate of sugary jelly snakes to arrive on your doorstep tomorrow. And they will not be eked out, one-by-one over several days and put away at least 90 minutes before bedtime. That is not how this is going to work.
You know how your mother-in-law bought the kids tiny bongo drums as a means of self-expression? And you burnt them? They’re coming back.
Yes, the pig herself, and if Peppa isn’t prepared to sell out, then every kind of trashy Peppa merch you could ever imagine, each item more lurid than the last. Soon, there will be a Peppa doll that recreates the controversial “F-word” scene, over and over.
WATCH: Peppa Pig teaches children how to say the F-word.