"To my child-free friends: I'm sorry for being so boring."

Over the past week or so, all my Facebook friends have been using that app that tells you which words you use most in your status updates. Before I did it, I knew what my two most-used words would be: the names of my two kids. Yep. There they were, in giant letters. Also frequently used: kids, school, child, mum.

There was nothing there about politics or world issues or books or even TV. My husband’s name just made it, in tiny letters. Sorry.

It hit me in the face: how boring have I become?

Had Facebook been around before I had kids, I can guess what my most-used words would have been pub, vodka, argument, celebrity, g-string… that kind of thing.

Nearly all of my status updates are hilarious things that my kids say. (I mean, I think they’re hilarious. I’m dying to give a few examples, to show you just how hilarious they are, but I’m going to restrain myself.) Nearly all of my photos are of my gorgeous kids. (Yeah, they really are gorgeous.)

To all my child-free Facebook friends, sorry for the constant cute-kid spam.

"Sorry, everyone." Image via iStock.

I had friends over for lunch on the weekend. Smart, successful people who don't have young children. I let my five-year-old son spend 15 minutes quizzing them on dinosaur facts, yelling, "Incorrect!" at them every time they got one wrong.

Sparkling dinner-table repartee, indeed. Sorry, guys.

I have to admit, my conversation over recent years probably hasn't been that interesting for people who don't have kids.

Have I seen Game Of Thrones? No, but I can have an in-depth discussion comparing the merits of every Play School presenter. (I'm Team Teo.)

Have I read any good books lately? Yes, and they all rhyme, and end with everyone going to sleep.

Have I been to any good exhibitions lately? Yes. There were all these giant buildings made out of Lego, and then we got to build things with Lego ourselves. It was cool!

Here are some kids saying hilarious things. Post continues after video...


To my child-free friends who have stuck with me through my years of being obsessed with my kids, thank you. You have been the ones who have kept contacting me, when I've been so caught up in my kids' mini dramas that I haven't kept in touch. You have been the ones who have kindly suggested having a picnic in a park, or meeting at a coffee shop next to a playground.

To my friends who are childless by choice, I hope my kids haven't irritated you too much. To my friends who are childless by chance, I hope my kids haven't made you feel sad.

Thanks for keeping up the friendship, even though it's changed.

Thanks for staying friends with me on Facebook, and "liking" my status updates about my kids and endless photos of them. That really means a lot to me.

Thanks for sticking in there. My kids are both at school now, so hopefully I'll have a bit more time for myself and my conversation will become a bit less kid-centric.

And don't worry - you've got at least 15 years till I start becoming totally obsessed with my grand kids.

Have your child-free friends stuck with you since you've become a mum?