Formula vs breastfeeding. To co-sleep or not. Staying at home with your baby, or going back to work. When it comes to motherhood choices, you name it and there’s controversy around it. It seems EVERYONE has an opinion.
But there’s a new topic in the ‘mummy wars’ and it’s all about childcare shaming. Apparently.
How do I know this? I’ve felt the full brunt of it.
Recently I was judged on social media for deciding to increase the amount of childcare for our toddler. It was a conversation about what other mums did with their first born, care wise, when their second baby arrived. You see, we’re expecting our second and will soon have two children under 17 months – and I work from home two days a week.
I outlined that I was going to send our boy three days a week instead of two. And I was told, “why have another baby if you’re just going to increase the amount of care for your first?”. Why have another baby? I mean, seriously?
Never mind the fact that my husband works 12-hour days, we have no family help, I’m only taking a few weeks off work and our son loves the centre he goes to. Or that the new baby deserves some one on one time with me without her crazy high maintenance brother around.
But why should I feel the need to justify it? At the end of the day, what we choose to do with our own children is our own business – no one else’s. We all put enough mum guilt on ourselves, let alone having other mums make us feel bad about our decisions.
I was already wrestling with my decision, so this person’s comments really struck a nerve. Some other mums came out to back me, saying they’d also done the same when their second baby came along or could completely understand where I was coming from. They said they’d experienced the same sort of shaming for putting their child in care, and supported me instead of judging.
It’s a fact that childcare can be really awesome. Educators and mothering groups agree that, if you find a good one, the benefits for your child are endless. Our little guy loves it and his development has improved out of sight in the few months he’s been going.