lifestyle

What happens during a very serious supermarket chicken funeral.

Direct Action Everywhere, an animal rights group in the USA, recently went to a supermarket. While there, they picked up a random chicken from the fridge, put it in a human-sized coffin, and performed an elaborate chicken funeral.

A chicken funeral, that is equal parts the most sombre/glorious piece of Youtube entertainment you’ve ever seen:

The whole ceremony goes for about 7 minutes, and it is honestly worth every second (but if you can’t watch right now because work/kids/the bus feels like an inappropriate place to mourn a chicken, we’ve highlighted the best parts of the video underneath):

It all opens with a very solemn looking young man in a suit, standing in the poultry section. He looks straight into the camera with his pained, meaningful eyes, and says:

“In memory… Of a life lost.”

Then he selects a random chicken from the shelf. This lucky bird will get the burial she deserves:

The solemn man in the suit then takes the specially selected chicken over to the deli – presumedly the only place in the supermarket with the right ambience for a funeral:

Then – and this is probably the best part of the whole thing – someone stuffs up. An over-eager chicken mourner jumps in front of the camera and proudly declares, “WE HAVE A DREAM,” before saying “Oh shit” and quickly jumping out of the way. The boss-man in the suit looks furious.

The chicken is then tenderly placed inside a cardboard coffin:

A comically large cardboard coffin:

A eulogy is then offered on her sensitive and important life, that was filled with emotions and wonderful memories. (Which, fyi, is pure speculation. This particular chicken might have been a massive bitch). Less sympathetic shoppers and workers continue on with their day, clearly not understanding the magnitude of the tragedy around them:

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And then… He’s back! The ‘We have a dream’ guy finally gets to give his speech (at the right moment this time). Aw. You nailed it, buddy:

The specially selected pallbearers then lift the coffin and begin to walk, while the bemused crowd around them starts chanting about how much they love bacon. (Things are basically falling apart at this point.)

The funeral procession then makes its way through the supermarket:

Then (somewhat inexplicably), the very solemn guy in a suit takes the chicken’s lifeless, plastic-wrapped body back out of the coffin. (He needs to be shown where it is, because it’s rolled all the way to the front corner while they were walking. #dignity):

He holds the chicken up in front of some very confused people at the check-outs, and says in his most sombre voice:

“May we remember her.”

Then he takes the chicken and leaves. Which basically means he just left a funeral with the body of the deceased. Again, because #dignity.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a chicken funeral.

(There’s currently no word on where the chicken’s body actually ended up.)

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