dating

Why in the world would a man cheat on someone like Beyonce?

Beyonce’s latest album has the world talking about cheating.

The visual album Lemonade, which dropped over the weekend, contains a slew of lyrics that are speculated to refer to the wandering eye and cheating behaviour of her husband of eight years Jay Z. For example:

‘You can taste the dishonesty/It’s all over your breath as you pass it off so cavalier’

‘He only want me when I’m not there/He better call Becky with the good hair’

Regardless if the speculation around Jay Z is true, Beyonce is putting a powerful voice to the hurt and anguish of cheated partners the world over. She’s reclaiming the power in a situation where the world might traditionally see her as a victim or a ‘woman scorned’.

But this begs the question. For a couple that seemingly ‘had it all’, why did Jay Z feel the need to cheat? Was it as simple as ‘just because he could’? He is, after all, a mega artist and huge influencer in his own right? Or was it something to do with the relationship between him and the ‘Queen’ herself?

A photo posted by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on

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Just as no two relationships are the same, and each person’s experience will be different, there are countless reasons  for cheating. Well, there are countless reasons people say they cheat.

We often hear stories about cheating from the person who has been “wronged”. It’s rare a cheater will tell their side of the story.

Life is never black and white, so we decided to get the cheater’s side of the story.

WHY?

Some say they have a reason.

I was dating this guy for about two years. Towards the end of our relationship he started to become very possessive, manipulative, and quite abusive. He had a few fetishes that he often would try force me to play into. When I said no, he refused to sleep with me; instead, he would watch porn in front of me and masturbate. I was really wasted and high at a party, and I was talking to one of my male friends about it—he was also drunk and high. One thing led to another, and I slept with my friend. – Kimberly* told Broadly.

By the end of our four years together, he’d make me feel bad about myself and my past choices on a daily basis. When he’d get drunk, which was often, my stomach would lurch. It was mostly an awful time. Eventually I reached a point where I had to do something that would force a shift in my life. I started spending time with someone I was really drawn to. – Leila* also said.

 

Annie???? A photo posted by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on

There comes a time when you stop trying. I was always trying and none of it felt good enough. I would organise great holidays (and pay) and she would come like a passenger. I would organise to go out to dinners or go out with friends and it always felt like she was doing me a favour. She didn’t even want to introduce me to her parents and we had been together for a year and a half. I started to feel like a big fool. Then I went out one night. She sent a text half an hour after she was meant to meet me and said she couldn’t make it. There was a friend of a friend I met that night and she was really lovely and we ended up going back to her place and having sex. It’s happened a few times now. I’m going to break up with her. – Mark.

Others say they have no clue why (maybe they were born cheaters?).

I had a great relationship but I do get bored really easily. I mixed that with vodka and I ended up with another guy when my partner was away with work. I didn’t plan it. I wasn’t unhappy. I wish I hadn’t because now I feel guilty. It was stupid, but I can’t take it back. – Liz.

There are just people who will always cheat. The guys who were cheating at 16 are still cheating nearly 10 years later. – Sarah.

Even though I have a girlfriend, I love going out with my mates and seeing if other women find me attractive or I can have them I suppose. Some things go too far. It’s hard to put the brakes on. – Tim.

Yes, I have cheated (shame face). Why? I mostly blame the fact I was very young and there was loads of chemistry. – Samantha.

Then there’s insecurity.

I feel like anyone I know who has cheated has done so because they’re unsure about their own place in life (career wise, esteem wise, etc.) or are (consciously or otherwise) looking for a way out of the relationship that they’re discontent in, whether a result of their partner or themselves. – Mary.

Maybe it comes from insecurity, and need external validation from various people. – Jess said.

A photo posted by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on

 

Some do it to exit the relationship.

We weren’t getting on for a long time but every time we talked honestly about breaking up we would find some small reason to get back together – and I mean small. Like someone had a wedding coming up and it would be uncomfortable for people to be around us if we were no longer going out. Or we had expensive tickets to something or how would we divide the car we had bought together. So then I slept with her friend. That ended it. – Jack

He did it to get out of the relationship we were in because we were broken and I was in denial. – Samantha added.

Certainly, the army of ‘Bayhive’ fans who have rallied in support and anger alongside Beyonce are not alone in their hurt. Cheating is crushing for the person who’s been cheated on, no matter the situation or the reasons for it. The idea that your partner is receiving pleasure or fulfilment from another can be torturous and seemingly unfair, no matter the circumstances leading to it.

But the situation is never cut and dried.

Cheating might be a ‘symptom’ as opposed to a cause, and there might be a whole world of reasons why one partner is not receiving what they need in a any relationship – no matter how perfect or Jay Z / Beyonce it may seem.

The Mamamia Staff share the moment that they knew their relationship was done. Post continues after video.

Definitely, communication is key in protecting a relationship against cheating. If one parter is not fulfilled within a relationship, the bravery and honesty required to address this feeling can help strengthen the relationship and bring both parties to the same page. Maybe this conversation will prevent cheating, maybe it will act as a warning for what’s to come. Either way, by openly talking about each other’s insecurities in the relationship, the connection between the couple is given at least a chance.

I now find it so difficult to imagine cheating, if things began to feel broken I would do everything in my power to try and mend it. – Joanne said.

*Names have been changed by Broadly. 

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