sex

"My husband wanted me to cheat on him, to 'even the score'."

By Mary for DivorcedMoms.

It was a beautiful Spring day. We had a house with four acres, and I loved landscaping and gardening. With that love every season I had a lot of yard work. The kids were at school and my plan was to work in the yard all day. My husband and I spoke several times everyday. He was at work in an office setting, so our conversations primarily consisted of me telling him my whereabouts.

"I won't hold it against you, it will even the score, Mary."

It was afternoon and I was exhausted, smelly and hungry. My husband (whom I am naming Tim) asked if I enjoyed my day, and he knew from our conversation three hours prior that I had been in our yard all day gardening. Tim proceeded to tell me he had just gotten a call from our friend Bob. Bob had returned back from lunch at a restaurant (that I had never been to because I felt it was too expensive) and told my husband that he saw me at the bar drinking with a man. Bob just wanted to check with Tim to see if everything was okay with us. Tim then asked me if I was ready to "COME CLEAN" - "I won't hold it against you, it will even the score, Mary."

I was finally sick of my husband's repeated requests to come clean, constantly being accused of being someplace, with another man, having a great time cheating on my husband to "even the score." My husband truly felt that this was the way to fix our broken marriage.

That day, I decided for the first time to do something I never had done before. I called Bob:

fiance cheated
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Mary: Hi Bob it's Mary.

Bob: Hi Mary what can I do for you.

Mary: Tim called me and said you saw me at a restaurant today having lunch and I just wanted to let you know it wasn't me, I have been gardening all day.

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Bob: I'm sorry Mary, I haven't spoken to Tim in months. Last time I saw you guys we were all together at Paul's house. Tim must have confused me with someone else. Gotta go Mary.

Mary: You're right, I must have misunderstood, see you soon Bob.

I was speechless. For 18 years I had lived defending myself over places I had never been with people I had never been with, having conversations I never had. I called my husband Tim, and he asked again if I was ready to "come clean". I told him that I just got off the phone with Bob, and he was furious.

cheating husband
Image via iStock.

"How could you call Bob? I can't believe you would bring him into our marital problems. Putting Bob on the spot for seeing you. How can you show your face around him again?" I wasn't surprised at his reaction - every time I called my husband out he would lie. And each time I caught him in a lie - my perfect world was chiseled away.

I never had anything in my marriage to come clean about and the accusations were becoming an everyday occurrence. I defended myself and felt like I was going crazy. I had gotten use to this behaviour, and over the years it deteriorated my self esteem. I second guessed myself all the time. I was always on guard with everyone.

After this day, I started finally seeing my husband in a new light, with the sad realisation of who he was as a person, and the true state of my dysfunctional marriage.

This post originally appeared on Divorced Moms.

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