celebrity

'They keep dressing up as... each other.' The celebrity Halloween costumes from 2019 make precisely zero sense.

It’s the morning after Halloween, and while tweets and articles and comments are dedicated to declaring which celebrity ‘won’ Halloween 2019, there’s an urgent issue I’d like to address.

katie
Wait.

It would appear that I have been fundamentally misunderstanding the point of October 31.

I've always been of the impression that Halloween is about scary things. Ghosts, witches, zombies, a phone call from an unknown number. Kylie Jenner singing 'rise and shine'. Getting a text from someone you don't like saying 'hey hey, are we still on for tonight? :)'.

Real screwed up sh*t.

Historically, it was intended to be a night where you dressed as a monster or a ghost so you couldn’t be distinguished from any ‘undead’ released to roam the night.

So costumes that make sense include a corpse bride, or a devil, or Jamie from The Bachelorette.

What doesn’t make sense is… literally every costume I’ve seen from 2019. Scary costumes, it seems, are now the exception, not the rule.

Photos of the Kardashian family - for whom Halloween appears to be a full time job - show them dressed as a variety of pop culture icons. None of which are remotely frightening.

Kylie Jenner dressed up as Ariel from the Little Mermaid.

 

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Ariel grew up.. ♥️

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But also Marilyn Monroe.

 

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M A R I L Y N ???? #HappyHalloween

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But also a Playboy bunny.

 

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????????

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Jenner also dressed her daughter Stormi up as herself from the MET Gala, which must be a profoundly confusing costume for a one-year-old.

 

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My baby!!!!!!!! ???????????????????????????????????????????? i cant handle this!!!!

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Kylie's older sister Kim dressed as Elle Woods, which again, betrays the purpose of Halloween.

 

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Legally Blonde

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Unsurprisingly, the only person in the Kardashian family to get Halloween right appears to be True, who dressed as a spider:

true-kar
Snip snip. They my fangs.
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Then a bee (idk bee stings can give you a fright, and killer bees are pretty terrifying):

bee
True, pls.

Then a LION:

true-k
'Wot's Harroweeen?'

True's only slip up was a rogue pumpkin costume, but I'll allow it:

pumpkin
'Smile for the professional photographer, these are going in your portfolio.'
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Then again, what hope did True have when NO ONE AROUND HER UNDERSTANDS THE BASIC CONCEPT OF HALLOWEEN.

The holiday has literally now become an opportunity for celebrities to dress as... other celebrities. And that's not... the point.

For example, this year, Jessica Biel went as her husband, Justin Timberlake.

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Kevin Hart went as The Rock.

 

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???????????????????????? This shit makes me laugh. #NailedIt #HappyHalloween #PeepTheNapkinUnderMyElbow

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Ciara went as Beyonce and her partner went as Jay Z.

Kate Beckinsale and Jonathan Voluck went as Audrey Hepburn and Elton John.

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Don’t go breaking my heart, @jsauluck

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Gabrielle Union went as her own character from Bring it On, and creatively dressed her daughter as the same thing.

 

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Brought It. #CaliforniaLove

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Halsey dressed as Cher.

 

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Been dying to try out a good @cher makeup forever and finally got to! ????????????????

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And Nina Dobrev went as Billie Eilish.

 

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DUH

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Even the celebrities who didn't dress as other celebrities missed the memo about being scary. There were nurses and Austin Powers characters and (admittedly, slightly terrifying) historical figures.

 

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Fred

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Ohhhhh behave. U look smashing baby

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Sleeping beauty!!

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happy halloween from scoob n shag ♥️ @sonwhiskee thank you so much for having us sis ???? @parishilton

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halloween is here and wintour is coming

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*pickle rick voice* I’M SEXY RICKKK (and yes that’s glitter on my chin for his ~iconic~ drool)

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Last night’s #KISSHAUNTED show was so much fun I almost took flight

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KILLA. ????

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But, pls.

These. Are. Not. Scary.

These. Are. Just. Costumes. You. Wanted. To. Wear.

Which is fine. But they have precisely nothing to do with Halloween.

Interestingly, when I did some research, I found the history of Halloween isn’t necessarily all ghosts and monsters. According to one theory, dressing up originated from the idea of hiding your identity from the dead. So over time the philosophy has become ‘the more original the better’.

Still – surely there are other occasions for people to dress up just for the sake of it. Halloween is fundamentally defined by spookiness, the supernatural, and (in the US and Europe) the beginning of winter – a time of darkness, coldness and (in the past) a great deal of human death.

Only one celebrity nailed Halloween this year, and yes, it was Ariana Grande.

 

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eye of the beholder ???? ????

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outtake from the my everything shoot

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Your face, my friend, is terrifying.

And THAT is what Halloween is all about.

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