by TONIA ZEMEK
So you’ve booked an overseas holiday, just the two of you. You’ve carefully planned the itinerary. The hotels have been expertly researched. The matching luggage has been purchased. But are you really compatible travellers? Assume the brace position and go through this checklist before you take off:
1. Window Or Aisle
Early on you need to establish in which camp you belong. You’re about to sit in dozens of shuttle buses, cabs, planes, trains, boats and gondolas. Don’t be wonderers. Nothing annoys your fellow commuters more than a queue jam because you two can’t decide who sits where. Really it’s quite simple. The person with the smallest bladder takes the aisle. So ends the carry-on.
2. Finders Are Keepers
The loser is the official misplacer of passports, tickets, sunscreen, room keys, and Euros. One of you Traveling Wilburys will be a loser. The other, ideally, will be a finder. Consider this an official travel warning: two losers should not travel together. Anywhere. Ever.
3. In Sickness and In Health
You’ll need to pack precautions if you know the yin to your yang suffers from sea sickness, car sickness or plane sickness. Stock up on magnetic bracelets, potions and pills. Buy inflatable stabilizers if you have to. Do anything you can to limit the commotion when in motion.
4. Eat it or beat it
No, we’re not talking Weird Al Yankovic or Michael Jackson. Dining duos will be duly tested when in Rome. While you may be seeking traditional gelato, linguine and limoncello, your beloved might well be in search of the golden arches. Did someone say McHappy meal for one?
5. Reading, Writing and Arithmetic
Do the math. If you travel with a reader, it’s going to be a long, long trip.
The reader must absorb all signage from San Fran to San Sebastian. It’s imperative to take in every word of every museum flyer, map, tombstone, rhinestone and teabag. If your partner is a reader and you are not, you are doomed to a life of waiting. While you enjoy an entire museum in a half hour, your precious reader is still getting through the entrance. After all, those ancient hieroglyphics on the submission stubs are completely compelling.