Ask Bossy: The wedding invite asks for cash. Is it passive aggressive to take a gift instead?

As an agony aunt, nothing seems to quite get people agonised quite like a wedding.

This week’s question is from Sarah.  She received a wedding invite in the mail. Lovely. Except, she says, there was a poem inserted into it. A little ditty that had quite a specific message:

We really hope you can join us on our special day.

You’ll make our memories complete, in every single way.

We do not have a gift list and we know you’ll understand.

Our house and contents are complete with pots and plates and pans!

But should you really want to give and celebrate this way,

A gift of money would be lovely for a rainy day.


A rainy day, indeed.


“I’m sorry”, says Sarah. “But what if I WANT to get them a gift? Is it rude when the couple have specifically asked for cash? Is it passive aggressive for me to go against their wishes? Or is it just rude of them to ask for cash? What should I do, and if I give cash, what’s an appropriate amount?

Oh Sarah.

Let’s unpack.



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