Here are two tales of how NOT to incorporate masturbation into a relationship.
There was the “friend” (ahem) who got woken up in the middle of the night by the mattress shaking. It wasn’t an earthquake – rather the seismic power of her boyfriend’s right arm on his own tectonic plate.
Then the friend (not me) who told her new partner that she wanted to take things slowly as she was recently out of something long and messy*. (*Yes, this is a clue to where the story’s headed).
“On three separate occasions he tried it on, and every time I turned him down. So, shockingly, he had a w*nk right in front of me. Once he was finished I said, ‘Better now?!’ and left it at that.”
But for every story that stains your mind (and possibly more), there’s a legitimate question at its core – and that’s when do, or should, people in long-term relationships masturbate. Particularly if they live together.
Because while sex is unquestionably satisfying, there are times when you want to go straight to the “O” without worrying how near the other person is or what your orgasm face looks like. You want pleasure in 55 seconds, not 45 minutes of giving directions. You want to feel the intimate caress of an electrical device’s vibration settings – not the person you love.
And that’s OK.
The grey area, of course, is that you don’t want the other person to be offended. You also don’t want to get caught, or catch them.
Here’s how some couples take the matter into their hands…
“Sometimes if I’m too sleepy for his 1am advances, he’ll rub one out in the bed next to me. But for the most part he enjoys masturbating privately, and I’m the same. 95% of the time I’d rather masturbate alone. I think it’s good for everyone to have a certain amount of alone time.”