Has the superfood cult reached peak crazy?
You heard it right and you’re not being trolled. Cockroach milk is the new superfood.
After hearing this news we’re pretty sure the hipsters have outdone themselves in 2016.
Crunching down on everyone’s most detested creepy crawly is like the protein shake of Pete Evans dreams.
The milk comes from the stomach of the roach and is an incredible superfood – it’s packed with three times the protein found in cow milk, coupled with the perfect amounts of fats, sugars and amino acids. It oozes nutrition.
Repulsed yet? Apparently it doesn’t taste that bad, just think of it as a Bertie Beetle, minus the chocolatey deliciousness.
In a display of open-mindedness on the Mamamia Out Loud podcast, Mia Freedman and Kate De Brito did their best to keep their disgust at bay as Monique Bowley delved into the dirty details, explaining the merits of cockroach milk:
But before you start searching for tiny nipples on the critter you’ve got cornered in your kitchen under a saucepan, there is a scientific disclaimer.
Since the podcast this week is all about #positivethinking, we’re happy to report that no cockroaches were harmed in the making of this milk.
As it would be incredibly time consuming (and we’re guessing impossible) to milk a cockroach, the lucky team of scientists tasked with researching the superfood found a way to replicate the genes, bringing you the best in all-synthetic, bug-inspired goodness.
It’s about time the cockroach got some good press!
So does this mean we’ll soon be asking our local barista to whip us up a roach-cino?
It’s certainly no crazier than the rest of 2016’s coffee trends.
Sorry Melbourne but no. No no no no no. This is peak hipster wanker. I just waited almost 20 minutes for an actual cup before realising it would not be forthcoming. I wanted a coffee. Not a science experiment. I prefer to drink my beverages out of crockery and not beakers. Next stage? I’ll just get a chopping board with a bunch of actual coffee beans and an upside down hat on it. This must stop, dear Melbourne. This must stop.
From Jamila Rizvi’s deconstructed coffee to the Smurf-inspired monstrosity that is the blue algae latte, it appears there is no end to the madness.
Blue algae lattes with this girl @conciouscreations_ A photo posted by Jessica Russell (@from.the.core) on
But all jokes aside, the cockroach milk discovery has the potential to do a lot of good, outside of keeping the superfood-fanatics sated.
It’s environmentally friendly, can be produced on mass and looks set to play a big role in food security.
It’s the rebrand cockroaches have been waiting for – not only will they survive the apocalypse, they’ll also cure world hunger… unless we eat them first.
Mamamia Out Loud is the weekly award-winning podcast with three women who dissect everything from pop-culture to politics. Subscribe in itunes or listen to the full episode here: