Hey Zuckerberg – thanks for the Facebook memories. No really, thanks so much for bringing me a daily cringe-worthy slideshow of all my humiliating thoughts and feelings from the last ten years.
It’s been like a show ride of embarrassing moments that I can’t stop and I can’t get off and honestly, sometimes, I don’t know whether I want to stop it and get off? Which is a really confusing. (See what you’ve done to me, Zuckers?)
I joined Facebook in 2006 when no one knew that this whole social networking thing was going to take off. And we weren't yet curating our perfect social media personas.
Which means everything we posted was real – like natural eyebrows and no duck face real.
So now that Facey is serving me up some fresh memories every day, I get to look back and cringe at my mid-twenties late night existential questions and my late twenties attempts at trying to Eat, Pray, Love myself from my lounge room.
Did I really need to know that the 25-year-old me announced at 2am one morning – ‘My head hurts, but my heart hurts more’?
And thanks to Facebook memories, I can’t forget that stage in my late 20’s where I thought plastering my Facebook wall with inspirational quotes was bringing me that much closer to Oprah status.
I was sure that reminding all my Facebook friends to ‘don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened’ and ‘throw kindness around like confetti’ was really bloody helpful and poignant.
I was making a positive impact on their lives – one inspirational meme at a time. In reality, they were probably rolling their eyes and blocking me from their newsfeed.
And then there’s all the public declarations that I never lived up to. All the ‘2009 is my year, amazing things are going to happen – stay tuned!’ – and then nothing much happened. Awkies.