Getting married? Planning to, one day? Don’t want to spend $12,000 on a Vera Wang design or, hell, $2500 on a regular just-off-the-rack creation?
Well, one of these days you may find yourself typing the words “cheap wedding dress” — as I did — into Google, and you soon find yourself tumbling — as I did — down the rabbithole that is “affordable online bridal boutiques“.
And you may — as I did — make a last-minute, online credit card payment to the tune of $300 for for a heavenly dress that looks a bit like this:
If you subsequently then decide to check out the online reviews for that online boutique, you might feel a little flicker of worry start to clench at your chest as you read a lot of reviews using caps-lock to say words like DO NOT SHOP HERE.
That flutter of anxiety may then turn into a sweaty, stomach-turning realisation that you’ve made a huge freaking mistake when the reviews start to include words like TRULY HIDEOUS DRESS.
Oh, and DIRTY ROTTEN SCAM.
You see, as my online research revealed, turns out the term “affordable online boutique” seems to be code for “ultra-cheap, made-offshore, garbage that would only fit a small Korean child.”.
These shops are popular and cheap, and they are famously home to creations made of material of dubious origin but almost certainly not of the “pure silk,” or “hand-beaded” nature invariably advertised online.
They are also evidently fitted against a) either no mannequin at all or b) a mannequin with a waist at armpit level and arms the length of a miniature daschund. So when you’re expecting a glorious creation like this?