'I asked my best friend to be my maid of honour. She didn't turn up to the wedding.'

This all started when in October of 2017, my husband proposed to me on Halloween. It was one of the best days of my entire life. I immediately asked my best friends Alice* and Bridgette* to be my bridesmaids, Bridgette I asked to be my Maid of Honour, I was over the moon happy when they accepted.

A couple of months later, Bridgette tells me she’s planning on moving interstate. This is the first time I gave her an out. I told her that if she chose to drop the Maid of Honour position because of distance and the responsibility of it all, I would completely understand with no harm and no foul. She declined and said she would not miss the wedding for the world.

Months later, I have my dress, things are great. Time for bridesmaid dresses. Before we shop for her dress, I provided (for the second time) an out for her, saying if she doesn’t want to travel, I would understand. She tells me she would never miss my wedding. Then she tells me she cannot afford a dress (this is about 6-7 months after I asked her) so, I eat it (even though she had been working full time and had more than enough time to save a couple hundred bucks), and put her dress (just under $200) on my credit card. I asked her to help pay for the extra shipping to get it delivered interstate, which she said she would. I never saw that money, nor did she ever offer to pay me back for her dress. Me. The bride. The one also trying to contribute and pay off an entire wedding. So the dress is paid for and ordered. Yay. Whatever you win some, you lose some.

Mamamia Confessions: The worst request I received as a bridesmaid. Post continues after video.

Skip ahead a few months now, she has missed my bridal shower and declined her invite to my bachelorette party. These are things I expected, however she travelled to my town the same week of my bridal shower and went to another event that day instead. She did not even stop by to say hello and I had to drive out to her to see her for an hour and a half the next day.

Before she returns home I tell her again, please, if you feel like you won’t be able to get to the wedding or the responsibility of it is too much to just tell me, no big deal. She professes she would never miss my wedding for the world.

It’s now November. I’m getting married in less than a month. I had an amazing bachelorette party, things are all falling into place. I get a text from Bridgette telling me her bridesmaid dress no longer fits and she needs another one. Thankfully the bridal shop worked with us and I was able to exchange it for a dress of lesser value. I still lost some money, but I didn’t have to buy another dress.

The new dress arrives a couple weeks later. The material of the dress and the way the dress is made is much too long for her. She needs to get it altered. I tell her this but she tells me she can’t afford alterations. I tell her okay tell me how much alterations will be, and I’ll PayPal you the money or something, but you have to get it altered because you’ll trip. She says okay, but never gets it altered. This should have been my seventy fifth red flag.

It’s now the week of my wedding. It’s Monday, I’m getting married Saturday. Two of our best friends from out of town are staying in our tiny, one bedroom, one bathroom apartment. I’m still working the week, and I’m getting married. So as you can imagine, there’s a lot going on.

I get a text from Bridgette on Monday afternoon telling me that everyone at her job is sick and they’re getting the stomach bug. I said okay, stay healthy, can’t wait to see you this weekend. This was her planting seeds. I can see this now but at the time I was blindsided.

On Wednesday, she texts me and says her boyfriend no longer wants to drive to Sydney for my wedding and she’s uncomfortable driving by herself, so she’s going to talk to him and make sure that he comes. I try to explain to her that even if he’s not coming she still needs to come to my wedding and drive to Sydney because she’s my Maid of Honour. She expresses understanding and says that she’ll be there no matter what. I believe her.

Thursday she texts me late in the afternoon and says she still can’t get through to her boyfriend, and he’s really mad at her now. This is when I text her “You are my Maid of Honor, please do not do this to me”. She responds “I know, I would never not be there. I’m just trying to get my boyfriend on board, and if he doesn’t, maybe I can try and get a plane ticket!”. (If you’ve learned anything from the story so far, you and I damn well know that she wasn’t going to buy a plane ticket and that was her way of telling me she wanted me to buy her a plane ticket… I don’t bite, I literally have no money to spend at this point).

This is the last text I get from her for a few hours. The next text I get from her is that her boyfriend dumped her and now she’s all the sudden in the hospital and they’re keeping her overnight because she’s dehydrated. I text her and say to please keep me updated. This is the last text I get from her until after the wedding.

That evening her family member messages me to inform me that she will no longer be able to come to my wedding and that she’s sorry. She couldn’t even tell me herself.

By this point I’m so beyond hurt, embarrassed, frustrated and sick to my stomach. The anxiety… good Lord. My wedding rehearsal is the next day, and now I have to call all the vendors on the day before my wedding and tell them to move everything around and remove Bridgette out all of the lists and line ups. This proves to be a huge pain.

My fiancé and our best friends are not home, they’re at his bachelor party. So now I’m coming home to an empty apartment, the finalised wedding bill to deal with, and some serious emotional conflict. I was mad at myself for being upset with her, and I still feel that way from time to time. Thank God for my wonderful friends who came over that night with hard liquor and a sh*tload of love, understanding, and some hard truths that I needed to hear.

Friday, we have a rehearsal dinner, it goes fine and we have a small get together afterwards. I hear nothing from Bridgette.

The Bridal Party. Post continues after podcast. 

Saturday’s here, we get married, everything’s great. It was one of the best days of my life. I would be lying, however, if I said that I didn’t think about her and miss her.

I hear nothing.

It’s now Sunday morning. The wedding is over. The chaos has died down. I have heard absolutely nothing from Bridgette all weekend. I received no congratulations texts, no information about her situation, etc. I consider reaching out, but everybody tells me not to, because she’s the one who messed up. I’m an absolute mess with emotions inside. I miss my best friend, I’m mad at her, but I don’t want to be mad at her. My heart hurts and I’m embarrassed, because by all means, I should be furious, but I’m such a sucker for her that I feel bad for being angry.

She texts me on the Monday with a short apology and explains where she was and that she’s okay. I tell her that I’m glad she’s okay but I really need some time to figure out how I feel. She informs me that I shouldn’t be feeling upset with her about the situation. This makes me more upset, and I just choose to not reply for the rest of the day, because whatever I’m going to say is not going to fix the situation, and whatever she’s going to say won’t make me feel better.

She texts me about a week later with a very snotty, passive aggressive text about how I’m ignoring her. Mind you, I told her I needed some time to work through my emotions. I reply by telling her it really takes some balls to address me this way and for her to be mad at ME after all that I have done for her.

This is when it all clicks for me. I had a flashback montage of every situation since high school where I’ve been there to support her, give her advice, give her a shoulder to lean on, talk to her, give her whatever she needs, help her move…. etc …I then realised “holy sh*t” this entire friendship is just me giving and her taking and it’s always been that way. This realisation absolutely breaks my heart. Realising you gave your everything into a friendship only to understand the whole time it was bullsh*t.

She angrily texts me back (after I send her the text saying she’s got serious balls for being mad with me after all I’ve ever done is support her, pay for her, and do anything she ever needed of me) and says she didn’t do anything wrong and that I’m being, basically, a b*tch. I do not respond to this text. I’m hurt. I’m in emotional turmoil because I still LOVE this person, but clearly, she’s TOXIC AF for me and I have to cut the tie. I have forgiven her, but I’m still so, so, so, hurt, and honestly have no interest in staying friends but harness no ill wishes upon her.

I checked in on her via Facebook in March and she had deleted me.

I’m not a bad person, I was no means any form of a bridezilla (at least I think so lol), and I was always an amazing friend to her. Sometimes it just takes a huge, horrible scene to take off the rose coloured glasses and realise you deserve better. I hope she learns how to be a better friend and I hope she finds happiness.

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