fashion

"I'm not a bridesmaid but my sister-in-law is dictating what dress I wear to her wedding."

Planning a wedding is always fraught with drama, but for one woman it’s causing serious tension with her in-laws.

Reddit user electricandlive took the forum to seek advice on a problem that started after her sister-in-law, the bride to be, requested that she wear the bridesmaid’s dress to the wedding.

The twist? She’s not even a bridesmaid.

“I’m a professional musician and my sister-in-law asked me to play her down the aisle, so I was like ‘Yes, no problem’. I can do that for her (even though they all know I don’t enjoy performing that sort of music),” she wrote.

Image: iStock

"At dinner the other night my mother-in-law says she needs me to play at arrivals too - both my husband and father in law speak out and say something to the effect of 'She's family she wants to enjoy the wedding and not be working' but I again grin and agree and take the hit, let's not make things awkward.

"My mother-in-law then says 'At least you'll get a free dress' which is obviously news to me! Turns out they want me to wear the same dress as the bridesmaids."

The unusual request threw her.

"This makes me feel a) like it will seem like I WANTED to be a part of the bridal party but didn't make the cut so as consolation they're letting me wear the dress and b) a bit like I'm being treated as part of the furniture/hired help," she continued.

She was unsure whether she was being overly sensitive or whether the request really was unreasonable. (Post continues after gallery.)

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"Is it normal to expect your sister-in-law to wear what you want her to to your wedding if she's not a bridesmaid? Make no mistake I have no interest in being one and it's not like I would have worn white or anything," she wrote.

"I have taken into consideration that it may indeed be their way of thinking they're including me in the wedding in some way, but again it feels really condescending; it's not like they're wanting to dress my partner and he's their son/brother!"

It also doesn't help that there's some tension between the couples over their own wedding three years ago.

"I'm genuinely happy for her and her fiance however, I've had to sit through family get-togethers recently at which they've been unbelievably condescending and straight-up mean about our wedding so I find myself still defending my wedding decisions to my mother-in-law almost three years later which makes me feel ridiculous!" she wrote.

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Image: iStock

"I was a ridiculously considerate bride and regret it to a point because I chose to please my mother-in-law and rather hurt my own mum's feelings to keep the peace during ours.

"Also my sister-in-law was one of my bridesmaids and I gave all of my girls the freedom to wear something they were comfortable in - so I feel like this is all an unbelievably inconsiderate thing to do as I really should just be treated and left to my own devices as a guest like everyone else."

Confused at what to do, the woman asked how users would want to be approached if they were the bride to be.

Responses were mixed, with many people pointing out that the fact that she was playing music at the wedding meant she wasn't really "just a guest".

"You are providing a service and are now part of the wedding so I do think they can ask, but I personally think it is strange to be asked/told to wear what the bridesmaids are wearing," responded one user. (Post continues after gallery.)

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"Not in the sense that they requested a certain attire, but in the sense that bridesmaids have their role and dress for it, the flower girl has her role and dresses for it, and you have another role."

Others questioned why it had to be the bridesmaid's dress.

"It seems weird to ask you to wear a specific dress. If they say it's because you'll be visible as part of the wedding, just ask them if the officiant or DJ is also wearing color coordinated outfit. No? Then you shouldn't have to either. I would politely decline," wrote another.

Many advised discussing the possibility of finding middle ground with the bride.

"Have you thought of changing out of the dress after the ceremony? That way you won't feel like a bridesmaid wannabe,' suggested one user.

"If they are paying for the dress anyway and you think they wouldn't take offence, this might be a solution that makes everyone happy. Another option might be to ask for a different style in the same colour."

Image: iStock.

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