"Don't judge me, but... I'm annoyed at the bride for not putting me on the bridal table."

The whole situation was the epitome of awkward and embarrassing.

A few weekends ago, two very close friends of my husband and I got married. My husband has been friends with the groom since they were in high school and they also work for the same company. I met the bride through my husband when we were very young, back when my husband and I were dating as teenagers.

So as a couple, we’ve known them for well over 15-years. My husband even longer. This couple were the best man and maid of honour at our wedding, when they themselves were both still just dating.

They are also the godparents of our first child, my daughter, who is now five-years-old. They come to all of our family events, as we do theirs and we’re all very much involved in each other’s lives and families.

So when our dear friends finally decided to get married, after over 20-years of dating each other, my husband and I assumed they would return the favour and make us best man and maid of honour as we did for them at our wedding.

Well it didn’t exactly turn out that way and the whole thing was a giant shemozzle to say the least.

My husband never really got asked to be the best man directly, he sort of took on the role by default. He organised the buck’s party and took on other roles, but there was nothing really official about it.

My daughter was asked to be one of two flower girls, which was a lovely gesture. The bride, my friend, told me that she was choosing not to have a maid of honour as she has lots of sisters and chose to have them in her bridal party. No friends.

This again I was fine with, I completely understood. While it’s not how my husband and I did things, I respect them and how they wanted to plan and celebrate their wedding.

But there was one thing that seriously did bother me about the wedding. A couple of weeks before the big day, I was at my friend’s house helping her glue bows to her bonbonniere when she dropped the bomb.

She told me that my husband and my daughter would be sitting together on the main table at the reception…

And I wouldn’t be.

She told me that I would be sitting on the ‘close friend’s table’ with some other couples we are close with. She has a strange sense of humour so at first I thought she was joking. But then I quickly realised she wasn’t.

I didn’t want to make a fuss over it, the thought made me feel childish, so I didn’t say anything. But when it came to the big day it actually really bothered me.

I felt weird about being seated away from my husband and daughter. We decided to leave my son who is two-years-old at home with my mum as he’s sometimes a bit of a handful.

The whole situation made me feel really embarrassed. I had lots of people coming up to me asking where my husband and daughter were and why they weren’t keeping me company. I also kept being asked about my son and where he was. I felt like the third wheel with my friends.

When it came to speeches my daughter really wanted to say something, so she did a joint speech with my husband. When it came time for them to say their words, it made him look as though he was a single parent. He even told me on the drive home that one of the bride’s work friends approached him and tried to pick him up, being unaware that I was even there.

It really bothered me for weeks afterwards and I even found I was taking it out on my family. I became very snappy and I kept replaying the situation over in my head. I feel really stupid that it’s gotten to me this much but I’m just furious that my friend would put me in that situation.

What advice would you give to this friend? Do you think this brides choice not to seat her friend on the main table was fair? 

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If, like this reader, you have a dilemma that you would like advice about, please email info@themotherish.com with Don’t Judge Me in the subject field. You will be contacted before publication, and your identity will be protected.

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