Warning: This post deals with sexual themes and is NSFW.
Whatever your burning sex or relationship question, sex worker and relationship counsellor, Madison Missina has the answer. This week, she discusses how to boost your partner’s confidence if they’ve been put down sexually in the past.
“My boyfriend and I have been together for about four months. Everything is great, but orgasms require a bit of work. We have a lot of sex, but only get to see each other a few times a fortnight due to work and distance.
“He seems to have issues from the past, he says he has a small penis, he doesn’t, it’s just a regular sized one. He also says that he can’t reach orgasm from oral sex.
“I think some of his issues are his baggage. He has had a previous woman tell him that they weren’t sexually compatible because he isn’t very good.
“I have never had issues before, I can have multiple orgasms regularly, but I am struggling. I really like him and don’t want this to become our issue.
“How can I convince him to relax and just let things flow?”
It’s one of the beautiful parts of our feminine energy that we want to nurture and mother others, we see their pain, their baggage and we want to help them sort through it and leave it all behind. Do you see the problem here yet?
When we nurture and try to help our partners with their baggage we are mothering. Mothering is the act of someone superior helping the inferior one out through guiding and caring. That is beautiful and meaningful when it comes to child rearing, when it comes to training a new employee but in relationships we really should be seeking out an equal power balance.
The previous woman he was with who told him he wasn’t very good in bed emasculated him, the very notion that she felt she was entitled to put him down was the same unbalanced power play that goes on with mothering however it was done not out of care but out of harm.
So the first thing that you need to do is let go of your need to fix him. You need to see him as a capable man who in his own time will get to his baggage, that’s his business, not yours. And you need to focus on the woman in you who owns her pleasure and wants to share it with him.