Image: iStock. By Michaela Mitchell for Ravishly.
I can’t decide which school of thought is more annoying:
“Lose weight, get healthy, don’t be a drain on society, and finally have the best, most perfect life once you’re skinny!”
“Screw what people think! Be comfortable in your own skin! Don’t ever change because change equals conformity!”
All the noise about losing weight or not is enough to make me want to tune it all out and eat lollies forever. Mmmm, ice cream…wait? What were we talking about?
Here’s the deal: I want to lose a bit of weight. I’d like to be slimmer, but I’m also fairly OK with my round, chubby body, thick thighs, back fat, and cellulite. (OK, I’m lying about the cellulite. I hate the cellulite. Bastard.) The two ideas — accepting yourself and wanting to make some changes — shouldn’t be mutually exclusive. Like all things, this level of acceptance was a long time coming.
Since age nine — when I received boobs, hips, and pimples from the Fairy Godmother of Puberty (bitch) — I've hated my body. As a kid, I attracted too much attention for being taller and different from everyone else in my elementary school.
From adults, I heard “You're so mature for your age” way too often. I should have just been a kid, but instead I was this strange, mature girl-child inside a woman's body.
I've seen pictures of me at age 13 — I understand why I received so much attention. I was curvy and luscious as hell, which no 13-year-old should have to deal with. Of course, at 35, I'd kill to have that body. But as a kid, I thought I was fat and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I didn't move much. I overate and thought there was something wrong with me because of it, not understanding that a growing body needs fuel. By the time I reached high school, I was a big girl, carrying an additional 30 to 40 pounds on my frame. (Post continues after video.)
For a while, I tried not to eat, flirting with anorexia in a dangerous way, desperate to lose weight and have boyfriends. But the food always won — I figured I simply wasn't strong enough.