If you’re a parent, you’ve probably spent a fair chunk of your weekends ferrying your excited kids around to various birthday parties.
You’ve most likely hosted a few of your own.
You may have felt the pressing need for a large glass of wine afterwards.
And you will almost definitely have learnt these six things.
1. There may be winners and losers in life, but not in Pass the Parcel.
When you were a kid, this party game probably had just one prize. But the kids of today can’t deal with the random injustice of that concept. The modern version of Pass the Parcel involves a box full of prizes, handed around a circle of kids.
Whoever is responsible for the music must make sure it stops on each child once and once only (young and highly strung children first) so that everyone gets a prize. And the prizes must be different but of equal value. Of course.
2. The average kid has about as much taste as a Kardashian.
When you’re buying a present for one of your child’s friends, remember these two things: it must be big and it must be flashy.
It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money but it should look like it did. Think something with lots of parts, like a train set or a jewellery-making kit. If it’s plastered with the logo of the kid’s favourite movie or TV show (think Frozen, Iron Man), bonus points to you.
3. Some parents are frustrated event planners.
Or maybe they are actual event planners. Either way, you are going to turn up to the occasional party where the homemade cake is a such a work of art that you want to cry when someone puts a knife in it, and everything is colour-coordinated, from the birthday girl’s tiara to the serviettes to the ponies’ tails.
(Meanwhile, the birthday girl is only turning one and would rather be sitting in a sandpit shoving handfuls of sand into her mouth). You cannot compete with these parents, so don’t even try. My solution to this problem? Outsource the party and hold it anywhere BUT your place. Then the pressure falls to some other sucker.