Is that jingle bells we hear?
It’s the sound of people who were born in December crying into tinsel.
For a long time, Christmas babies have put up with having birthdays that are, quite frankly, sub-par. We can’t organise a party because people; a) are away, b) at a Christmas party, c) are too poor, or d) have been drunk for two weeks already.
Everywhere is packed, you can’t get a taxi, and don’t even get us started on the human rights violation which is the ‘double present’.
All this simply because our immaculate conception happened at around the same time as some guy called Jesus.
It’s blatant injustice.
At nearly 25, we’re officially done with having a birthday four days before Christmas. It’s bad enough we are twins and have to share a birthday with each other, but sharing it with Jesus really is the icing on the cake (which we never get, because no one cares about our birthday).
So as an ode to those born in December, who have silently suffered for long enough, we’re going to consider some of the untold (and downright bullshit) realities of being a Christmas baby.
alll is calm,
allll is shite”.
Oh yes and Jingle Bells:
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle everyday, oh what fun it is to miss your birthday every year, HEY!
All I want for Christmasss IS A BIRTHDAY. FOR ONCE. PLEASE RECOGNISE MY BIRTHDAY..
As the famous carol goes; On the 12th day of Christmas my true love said to me; “Can we pls go on a break because I really can’t afford to buy two presents this time of year.”
Eugh. More than once we have woken up on our birthday morning, giddy with excitement, to have mum say “Ah, sorry. Haven’t had a chance to do the Christmas shopping yet, so haven’t bought your presents. BRB.” That would literally never happen to someone born in May.
LISTEN: Apparently, taking your pets to get a photo with Santa is a thing. We discuss on Mamamia Out Loud. Post continues after audio.
Furthermore, mum and dad’s work Christmas party’s always seem to be the night before our birthday, so they just spend the day hung over and moody while we brainstorm the best way to seek revenge on Jesus.
There is so much time and money spent on Christmas that people start to question our consumer-driven culture and whether particular traditions are worth all the effort.
The double present. (And Christmas cards).
No. No no no no. NO.
Some things in life need to be kept separate. Like your parents and discussions of your sex life, white dresses and fake tan, antibiotics and alcohol. Yes, giving us ONE present for TWO DISTINCT occasions, will end in much the same way as antibiotics washed down with alcohol: tears, hysteria, and vomiting.