Is that jingle bells we hear?
It’s the sound of people who were born in December crying into tinsel.
For a long time, Christmas babies have put up with having birthdays that are, quite frankly, sub-par. We can’t organise a party because people; a) are away, b) at a Christmas party, c) are too poor, or d) have been drunk for two weeks already.
Everywhere is packed, you can’t get a taxi, and don’t even get us started on the human rights violation which is the ‘double present’.
All this simply because our immaculate conception happened at around the same time as some guy called Jesus.
It’s blatant injustice.
At nearly 25, we’re officially done with having a birthday four days before Christmas. It’s bad enough we are twins and have to share a birthday with each other, but sharing it with Jesus really is the icing on the cake (which we never get, because no one cares about our birthday).
So as an ode to those born in December, who have silently suffered for long enough, we’re going to consider some of the untold (and downright bullshit) realities of being a Christmas baby.
alll is calm,
allll is shite”.
Oh yes and Jingle Bells:
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle everyday, oh what fun it is to miss your birthday every year, HEY!
All I want for Christmasss IS A BIRTHDAY. FOR ONCE. PLEASE RECOGNISE MY BIRTHDAY..
As the famous carol goes; On the 12th day of Christmas my true love said to me; “Can we pls go on a break because I really can’t afford to buy two presents this time of year.”
Eugh. More than once we have woken up on our birthday morning, giddy with excitement, to have mum say “Ah, sorry. Haven’t had a chance to do the Christmas shopping yet, so haven’t bought your presents. BRB.” That would literally never happen to someone born in May.
LISTEN: Apparently, taking your pets to get a photo with Santa is a thing. We discuss on Mamamia Out Loud. Post continues after audio.
Furthermore, mum and dad’s work Christmas party’s always seem to be the night before our birthday, so they just spend the day hung over and moody while we brainstorm the best way to seek revenge on Jesus.
There is so much time and money spent on Christmas that people start to question our consumer-driven culture and whether particular traditions are worth all the effort.
The double present. (And Christmas cards).
No. No no no no. NO.
Some things in life need to be kept separate. Like your parents and discussions of your sex life, white dresses and fake tan, antibiotics and alcohol. Yes, giving us ONE present for TWO DISTINCT occasions, will end in much the same way as antibiotics washed down with alcohol: tears, hysteria, and vomiting.
Our uncle was born on Christmas Eve, and was once given one thong on the 24th, and the other thong on the 25th. That. is. some. messed. up. shit.
The rest of the year bloody sucks.
For 11 months of the year we have absolutely nothing to celebrate. You know when’s a good time to have your birthday? June. August. Maybe September.
Other people get to look forward to their special day, maybe get the day off work. We’ve never been able to get the day off, because we already have the day off.
Trying to organise something for your birthday.
We have a friend whose birthday is in March and she legitimately starts making plans at the end of January.
“Should we go away for my birthday? Or maybe I should book a hotel for the weekend?”
You know who never gets a birthday weekend? Us.
We have had multiple years where an event has prevented us from celebrating our special day.
“Oh no, it’s fine. I’ll go to my third Christmas party this month, even though it happens to be ON THE SAME DAY AS MY VERY OWN BIRTHDAY.”
In the rare occasion we have a free birthday, our attempts at organisation go as follows:
“So, ah guys. It’s our birthday coming up, thinking of doing something.”
Friend 1: “Yeah I go away on the 11th so I’m out”.
Friend 2: “I have a Christmas party that Saturday night but I could do the Sunday?”
Friend 3: “Sunday is my family Christmas.”
Aaaand, that is officially all of our friends.
Everyone is too busy to acknowledge the day you graced the world with your presence.
We can tell you precisely what people are not doing on the 21st of December, or indeed for most of December. Sitting at their computer waiting to wish you a happy birthday. Someone needs to do a study on how many ‘Omg happy birthday babez! Have an incredbly day gorjuz hope you get spoilt!’ messages someone gets in July, as opposed to December, because the difference would be enormous.
Frankly, our Facebook walls look bare, and we look extremely unpopular.
Everyone is too busy wishing Jesus a “Happy birthday darling!! Can’t wait to have a drink with you and get loooooose. Woowoo even bought a new partay dress. Lots of love xxxx.”
So to all those Christmas babies, who will be inevitably short-changed this December, we hope this ode to your struggle makes up for all those presents you won’t be getting. May your birthday be acknowledged, your celebrations be existent, and your card not have ‘Merry Christmas’ quite obviously crossed out, with ‘Happy Birthday’ scribbled over the top.