The most expensive bag EVER happened on Monday.

Wait, what?

One time when I was travelling, the train door closed behind me and shut my handbag outside the carriage. I couldn’t do anything except watch my bag drag against the tunnel walls until we pulled into the next station. My bag was wrecked, and the contents were almost entirely gone. Lucky the bag was only a cheap knock-off (and I was holding my wallet).

An Hermes Birkin Bag sold for AUD $285, 490 at a Hong Kong auction on Monday.

TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTY FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS.

You know what that could buy? Everything, as far as I’m concerned. An apartment. A fancy car. Approximately 27.5 square feet of the White House (I don’t think you’re allowed to do that though, probs don’t ask Barack).

The full name of the bag is the Hermes Exceptional Collection Shiny Rouge H Porosus Crocodile 30 cm Birkin Bag with Solid 18K White Gold & Diamond Hardware.

Fancy name, sure. But can I eat it?

Why do rich women (or men, whatever floats your boat) spend a not-so-small fortune on a piece of leather?

Patrick Thomas, who was once the CEO of Hermes, tried to explain.

“It requires not only specialised skills but also high experienced craftsmen, and the labour cost is equal to the hours of work that is needed to get the product done. Then you have to deal with raw materials, Hermes source and only use the best of the best for each Birkin.”

The nice thing about Birkins is that one highly skilled (and properly paid) craftsmen is responsible for each bag from beginning to end of creation, which takes somewhere between 15-20 hours. The company is independent and family-owned, and sticks to it’s traditions of old-world craftmanship.

Read more: Expensive wine is for suckers.

The leather is world-class fancy, and dyed to perfection (Birkins have distinctly bright colours that supposedly no other brand can achieve, because dying leather is really hard and Hermes are evil geniuses). The ‘hardware’, otherwise known as ‘the knobs and buckles and stuff’, are usually gold, white gold, or diamond-studded. ‘Spensive. Seriously ‘spensive.

Interesting fact: A Birkin bag will hold its value. If you look after it, you can sell it years later, possibly for even more than you bought it for. They are always, always in demand.

In summary, it’s just the best of the best, supposedly. But we all know the main reason: Status. You know if you see someone with a Birkin, they paid a shitload of money, or bought a fake (can probably tell by whether or not they’ve been on a recent trip to the Bali markets).

Even celebrities have to pay full price for Birkin bags.

As for the waitlist: An Australian rep accidentally confirmed a few years ago that the Hermes wait list NEVER EXISTED. Whaaaa? Apparently, if you go into an Hermes store and drop a few thou on scarves and belts and shoes, they will offer to sell you one. They just need to know you are a VIP with TMMOYH. A Very Important Person with Too Much Money On Your Hands.

I understand those who want/have a Birkin bag. But I won’t be buying one any time soon. Not just because I can’t afford it, but because I’m not glamorous enough to be a Birkin person. What would happen if I spill a bottle of nail polish in that bag? Or my water bottle leaks? Or the train door closes with me inside the carriage, and my bag rubbing against the tunnel wall?

I mean, the Birkin doesn’t even have a zip. Come on.