Cue the X Files music.
It turns out there is a real life, actual FBI investigation into the existence of Bigfoot. We sh*t you not.
The FBI today unlocked its Freedom of Information Act vault to reveal its findings on Bigfoot, the mythical ape-like beast that supposedly dwells in the Pacific Northwest wilderness shedding clumps of hair and leaving enormous footprints like a giant, messy, forest housemate.
The ~official Bigfoot files~ reveal that once upon a time, the Feds actually tested some hairs of unknown origin sent in by a fellow named Peter Byrne, the director of a society entirely devoted to proving Bigfoot’s existence (one of several such societies in the US, because of course).
The very official yet entirely bizarre correspondence from the mid-70s has given us a lot to ponder (mainly: huh?) so here, we present you with:
Five of the most cooked findings from the FBI’s Bigfoot investigation.
(A sentence we never thought we’d write in our lives).
The FBI is regularly sent requests to analyse potential Bigfoot hair.
Is Bigfoot OK? He seems to be losing a lot of hair.
While the letters outline the FBI are often sent random hairs potentially belonging to forest beasts (ew), they agreed to fulfil Peter’s request for some reason.
Maybe because his letters were exceptionally polite.
We can only assume this means the FBI will test any hair sample we may wish to know the origin of if we use the magic word (the magic word here being “Bigfoot”).
Yes, this means they can definitely get to the bottom of who used your hairbrush without asking.*
(*They probably won’t).
The strategic blurring-out of “Special Agent BLANK”.
Special Agents Mulder and Scully is that you?