by NATH VALVO
It’s baaaaaaaaack. Like a case of herpes, another season of Big Brother has popped up before our eyes!
Channel Nine’s revamp of the show is bigger, brighter and louder than ever (and that’s just Sonia Kruger’s pants). Big Brother fans like me are cracking brain boners over the return of the diary room, nomination nights, surprise evictions and watching someone wash dishes live on Up Late. DISH WASHING LIVE ON TELEVISION. HELLS TO THE YES.
I have watched all previous eight seasons of Big Brother, including the last season on Channel 10, which was hosted by Kyle and Jackie O and was well and truly awful. So awful in fact, that I don’t even think Kylie and Jackie O themselves watched it.
Hey look a blue car!!! Let’s move on. We’re living in the now. So let’s talk about last night.
Are you already in love or do you hate the new housemates?
There’s no need for names here, I’m sure I can sum them all up for you. We’ll have the bogan one, the flirty one, the hot one, the dumb one, the nice one, the smart one, the one who’ll end up on the cover of Zoo Weekly and the one you didn’t even know was in the house who will end up winning.
But as another season of Big Brother is upon us, we must also prepare for another outbreak of BBVD, more commonly known as Big Brother Viewer Denial.
BBVD affects tens of thousands of Australians and currently there is no known cure.
The usual symptoms of BBVD can be found in conversation with the sufferer. When asked if they watch Big Brother – the response is usually along the lines of:
“Why would I watch that crap?”
“No I do not, I have a life!”
“Is that hotdogs guy still on it?”
If you were to call every person you know (good luck getting connected if you’re with Vodafone) and ask them if they watch Big Brother, many of them will respond with something similar to the examples above.
But the fact is that people must be lying when they deny watching this show because according to OzTam ratings, around 1.6 million people tuned in to Monday night’s premier episode.
To put that in context: Tens new Everybody Dance Now debuted with 598,000. Poor Kelly Rowland, she spends her career standing next to Beyonce NOW THIS. Hey Kelly Rowland, if you’re reading this, my local Video Ezy is looking for casual staff right now and they’re a great bunch of people.