Disclaimer: This article is intended to be tongue-in-cheek/satire. I’m just a big fan of Beyonce, Toddlers and Tiaras, and scenarios that may or may not ever occur in real life.
“FLOWERS. WE NEED MORE FLOWERS,” Blue screamed while her mother’s $50,000 camera dangled loosely from her undersized right hand.
“I want midsummer gravesite meets Texas strip mall meets Versace bridal of the 80s on cheap molly meets David LaChapelle with a Roman Catholic undertone,” the five-year-old continued, bellowing to the two dozen assistants standing around petrified.
“Yes Miss Ivy,” they all whispered, bowing their heads and running to the nearest exit.
Turning back to her obviously pregnant mother and raising the camera back to her face, Blue continued, “now give me some Madonna with child eyes.”
Snapping away furiously, she continued, “YES, MAMA, YES. WORK IT.”
Standing by the craft service table looking on and serving absolutely no purpose whatsoever was Jay-Z, who had arrived with his wife and daughter almost seven hours ago. He was beginning to grow restless.
At first, he’d been supportive, organising a seat for Bey and a stepladder for Blue. But with over 2,000 images behind them, he was now questioning why he had approved his family’s request to announce the pending arrival of their babies this way.