Today was cold and wet and also Monday, which is probably the worst offence of the three.
After the longest, hottest summer in memory, our blue skies and morning sunshine is being replaced with heavy skies and the sound of rain. And slowly but surely, we will begin to grow a thick coat of brown hair, scratch ourselves a bed made of sticks, and retire to our cave for the winter.
NOT THIS WINTER, LADY BEARS.
I have cracked the code of how to wake up in the morning, with no need for air horns and/or tears in the shower. Yep, I have become A Morning Person. And soon you will be too.
Behold, my personal bible of waking up happy.
BRIBE YOURSELF WITH FOOD.
I am a foodie. I love food. It is, many days, the only thing that drags me out of bed.
As the weather gets colder, a whole new world of amazing (and healthy) breakfasts are on offer. Coconut milk porridge with oozy brown sugar and berries. Creamy scrambled eggs on sourdough. Pastry-free breakfast quiche with tomato and bacon.
Don’t roll your eyes, all of these things can be prepped the night before, okay?
EXERCISE. I DON’T CARE WHAT TIME.
Do something every day that makes you sweat. It will have you sleeping deeper, and waking brighter.
If you hate exercising, here’s the simple truth: you haven’t found the right exercise. I struggled for years dragging myself to the gym, and I hated it.
But then I started yoga, and something about the smell of PVC mats and men with ponytails was enough to lure me out of bed or into the studio after a long day at work.
Try everything. Ride a horse. Dunk a basketball. Find what makes you happy. (And if all else fails, just jump in a pool – you’re already wet, so you may as well swim.)
CRANK THE TUNES.
Music immediately changes my mood, and works to wake up my brain in the midst of sleepy morning fog.
We all have ‘that song’ that gets us in the mood (I highly recommend “My Girls” by Animal Collective) – so get it set up on your iPod, your radio, your phone, whatever – and CRANK IT.
Dance in the shower. Dance in the kitchen. Dance when you’re waiting for your toast. And if that doesn’t make you feel better, then you should check that you have a pulse.
PREP THE SH*T OUT OF YOUR MORNING – BUT DON’T SLEEP IN.
Now, this isn’t about earning yourself an extra minutes in bed. The point is to eradicate any need for panic in the early hours.
You know, misplacing your left shoe, or forgetting where you put your wallet, or getting into the shower without a towel. (That really stings in the middle of winter…)
Whatever occurs in your morning routine, prep it. Breakfast? Prep it. Outfit? Prep it. Gym? Prep it. Jerry curls and eyelash extensions? PREP IT.
Don’t leave anything to chance, because let’s be honest: you’re not the sharpest at 6am in the morning. You’re like a slightly drunk version of yourself, swaying a little and prone of tears at the sound of an alarm.
QUIT THE LATE NIGHT BOOZE.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but booze ain’t helping your sleeping patterns. Whilst a large glass of shiraz might have you snoozing in front of Home and Away; it’s just going to rear its ugly head in a few hours when it starts to dehydrate your body.
Once that starts happening, your body is jolted out of sleep and your cotton mouth will start a slow chant of ‘water, water, water’ in your head until you get up. Hello! It’s now 2am, and you can’t sleep because you started thinking about your meeting with your boss tomorrow in which you’ve convinced yourself you’re getting fired.
6am will suck.
If all else fails, an indulgent sex dream will put you in a GREAT (albeit confused) mood in the morning. Post continues after video…
BANISH YOUR PHONE FROM THE SLEEPING PARLOUR.
Sleeping Beauties, this isn’t news you’re going to like. But you need to let your baby cry it out in the other room – your phone baby, that is.
“But I use it as an alarm!” I hear you shout with thinly veiled panic. So, find a powerpoint right near your bedroom. Close enough that the alarm will wake you, but well out of arm’s distance. (It’s precisely as annoying as it sounds.)
You will sleep longer, deeper, and that damn alarm is going to be so annoying in the morning, you will need to literally jump out of bed to silence it. Voila! You’re up.
And, above all else, promise yourself a hash brown on your way to work. Chances are, you won’t even feel like it – but by that stage, you’ll be halfway there.
Honestly? The hardest part is just getting out of bed – without crying, or conjuring up wildly inappropriate ‘sick day’ excuses that felt perfectly reasonable when you were half asleep but are absolutely outrageous in the harsh light of day. Feet on the floor, out the door.
Gird your loins, girls, because WINTER IS COMING.
…You got this.