In the wake of Barnaby Joyce and Vikki Campion’s bizarre interview on Channel 7’s Sunday Night, the sentiment of the public is clear:
People do not feel they got $150,000 worth of interview.
While we now know about the colour of li’l Sebastian’s eyes, the frankly obscene amount of exposed brick in their home, and the fact that Barnaby is the only adult in this relationship (??), there are far more important questions that were never addressed.
As I watched the interview unfold, these are the questions I kept wishing journalist Alex Cullen would ask Barnaby Joyce.
1. Why are you bathing li’l Sebastian on national television?
2. Why are you blaming li'l Sebastian for decisions that were made by literally everyone but him?
3. Is a $150,000 tell-all prime time interview in line with your concept of 'private matters remaining private'?
4. Do you think it was somewhat unprofessional to sleep with a staff member?
5. Do you think some semi-unfair things probs happened within the parliamentary offices because you were sleeping with a staff member?
6. Do you feel silly about the fact you publicly disavowed marriage equality citing your belief in the 'sanctity of marriage' while you were simultaneously cheating on your wife of 24 years?
7. Why are you getting weird about answering questions when you got paid $150,000 to answer questions?
8. If you didn't want to answer questions why did you agree to the interview?
9. Is it kinda unfair that li'l Sebastian gets $150,000 but none of your four daughters do?
10. Can I have some of li'l Sebastian's money?
11. He doesn't look like he wants it/understands the concept of money/knows where he is?
12. Can I borrow $10 from him? (I don't want to pay it back).
13. If you wanted to keep your ex-partner Natalie out of the public eye why did you cheat on her with a member of the public service?
14. Why are you so confused about the concept of an affair?
15. Why are you fighting with Vikki on national television? It's making us die inside.
16. Wait... why did you say you're the adult in this relationship, when Vikki is literally 33 years old and you being the only adult in this relationship would only make things a million times more complicated.
17. Why did you drop in that you don't believe in abortion?
18. WHY DID YOU EVER SAY THE BABY'S PATERNITY WAS A GREY AREA.
19. WHY WON'T YOU STOP TALKING.
20. If you would've been happy to put out a photo of you and Vikki swimming at the beach and be open about your relationship, why didn't you... do that?
21. Why are you taking li'l Sebastian for a tour of your office when he's clearly sleeping?
22. Why are you carrying li'l Sebastian with one arm as though he is a toy?
23. Why are you making jokes about your baby growing up to join the Greens when you grew up to be Barnaby Joyce?
24. Why so much exposed brick?
25. No really, why?
26. Did you think that doing this interview would stop people from asking questions because all their questions had been answered?
27. Because none of our questions are answered?
28. Have you ever watched Parks and Recreation, and if so, do you understand why I laugh every time you say lil Sebastian? If not, please watch the clip below.
Thank you for your time, but also not, because you got $150,000 for it which is more than a vast majority of people will make in a year.