Pubic hair is sooo 2008. In fact, it may even be as retro as 2007, which means it’s practically extinct. I am reliably informed of this by several different sources and absolutely no scientific research whatsoever.
My benign interest in this subject was initially sparked when I heard a guy casually make the following remark at a Boxing Day BBQ: “You know, it’s the strangest thing, no-one under 30 has pubic hair anymore.”
As far as small-talk goes, this was certainly a little left of centre. And it made a refreshing change from your standard summer holiday chit chat about the global financial crisis. So with the kiddies playing out of earshot, a small crowd gathered around over sangers and some coldies, to discuss the mysterious disappearance of pubic hair on a generation of sexually active adults. Poof. Gone.
It turns out the guy who started the discussion came to this conclusion after clocking rather a large amount of time watching youporn, the site where regular people upload clips of themselves doing rude things with other consenting adults. Nobody on youporn, it seems, has pubic hair. “It’s all gone,” he said, shaking his head in bewilderment. “Even the blokes don’t have any.”
At this, gasps were heard in the crowd as a disturbing mental picture flashed across everyone’s mind. The men imagined themselves. The women imagined the men. Brows furrowed collectively in dismay and confusion….BUT WHY WOULD YOU?
Since no one at the BBQ could shed further light on the subject, our questions remained unanswered.
And since Four Corners was on summer hiatus and unable to launch an immediate investigation, I was forced to make my own enquiries. Was this mass deforestation a mere quirk of freaky people who like to film themselves having sex and share it online?
Well, over the past few weeks, I’ve established some compelling anecdotal evidence to the contrary. It appears it’s not just amateur porn stars and celebutantes who are going totally bare down there. It’s an epidemic.
Anecdote One: I suddenly remembered a conversation I’d had with a colleague several months ago. The woman’s daughter was 17 and she wanted to have everything lasered off. When her mother expressed dismay that she would opt for such a permanent form of hair removal she may later regret, the daughter was baffled. “But Mum,” she sighed, rolling her eyes. “Why would I ever want it to grow back?”. Fortunately, the salon she went to had instituted a no-bikini-lasering-under-18 policy for this exact reason. So she went for the full wax instead, just like all her friends.