In last night’s episode, Georgia Love checked her watch and decided “Oh, oh I don’t have any more time for bullshit” and sent half the guys home.
Ten became six, and because she’s had to stomach the Sam’s and Rhys’ of the world for far too long, she plans to spend the next few weeks being worshipped by handsome men who a) know/care that she exists and b) don’t fake broken arms for attention.
The ‘oiz are sitting in the mansion talking about who will get the next single date and it’s an extremely compelling situation. We’re on the edge of our seats as they argue “I think it will be you…” “Nah, mate, I think it will be you.” Why don’t we all just wait for Osher to tell us rather than speculate about the inevitable.
They are all having a bit of a laugh when…
Oh. Oh here he is.
We had hypothesised that without the alpha males (Sam, we're talking about Sam) Osh might become more at ease. But, no. He's still awkward AF. He has one hand in his pocket as he's speaking to them, and I think we can all agree that no one naturally stands with their left hand half in a pocket.
He comes bearing news because he knows that the only reason they even let him hang out with them is because he delivers messages from Georgia.
As he leaves, he smacks a camera and yells "I'M JUST A GLORIFIED F**KING DELIVERY MAN." And frankly, he has a point.
The clue on the date card reads, "Step back in time with me," and it's been several weeks now and these guys are getting no better at accurately guessing what the date will be. Clancy enthusiastically yells, "DRESSING UP AS BABIES." What? Why? Although it's the most ridiculous thing we've ever heard, we do wonder when the date will be where the men have to look after babies for the day. It must be coming up next week!
It's Matty J who ends up with the single date, and can we all just agree to stop calling him Matty J. There isn't another Matt in the house anymore so we SIMPLY DON'T NEED THE J. He's not a white rapper. Enough.
We think Sam and Rhys' confessions last night that they literally didn't give a sh*t about Georgia have probably been a significant blow to her self esteem. Right now, she almost needs someone who loves her too much. And Matty is very much the man for that.
They set off in a car and Georgia talks about how great it is to drive through the country side, which is strange given that they're clearly on the M4, AKA Sydney's most hectic freeway. The pair are laughing hysterically about how Georgia's hair is blowing in her face, but it's not that funny because they're driving 100km an hour and it's seriously impairing her vision. EYES ON THE ROAD GEORGIA.
The whole "back in time" theme is about dancing, and has a 1950s feel. You know, that era where rape in marriage was legal. Those were the days! #madmen #nostalgia
Georgia wants to teach Matty to dance and we just have a feeling he'll be randomly good.
As a side note - people dancing together is really weird. It looks even more awkward than when Georgia went ice skating with Clancy.
Apparently they 'nail it', but in our humble opinion, this ain't right:
Georgia says she really hopes they get it right in rehearsals so they can "perform it later". Perform it TO WHOM, Georgia?
Anyway, Matty might actually be one of the nicest human beings we've ever met. He says he's falling for Georgia and we didn't get goosebumps YOU got goosebumps.
They then sit on a lounge and express how much they enjoy sitting on lounges together. Georgia says "You light up a room, and I'm sure you've been told that your whole life," and now we feel bad about ourselves because no one has ever said that about either of us.
She CRIES because she's overwhelmed by how NICE he is being to her and it's all just too much. He says hIs priority is to "find someone" and all the producers are fist pumping and yellin' "YES MATTY THAT'S RIGHT STICK TO THE SCRIPT."
It's all overwhelmingly sweet but we also miss Sam calling Rhys a pretzel, and Rhys pretending like he doesn't care when Sam calls him a pretzel, but also being really upset by Sam exclusively calling him a pretzel, while he calls everyone else peanuts.
It's the moment we've all been waiting for.
Finally, after years of putting up with this sh*t, Osher is getting his moment in the sun.
Georgia has given him a date to plan. All by himself. She asked him to take the reigns on this one because he's bored AF and also (subtly) controlling. He is so excited.
Even though Georgia has already outwardly said that Osher planned this date, he prefaces his explanation by saying, "this whole thing was my idea..."
WE KNOW, OSHER. STOP GLOATING. JESUS. THIS IS WHY NO ONE GIVES YOU OPPORTUNITIES.
Georgia already regrets her decision.
The power has gone to his head - this is Stalin level sh*t. With a pleased look in his eye, he says, "The saying goes that love is blind. Today we're going to find out if Georgia Love is blind..."
Spoiler: She's not.
Georgia audibly groans over the terrible pun that would have taken Osher three and a half days to construct.
He explains that while all the men are inarguably attractive, it's important to know how they connect with Georgia when their appearance isn't a factor. With a knowing smile Lee says, "...in the dark," and Osher's face drops. He says to the guys, "um, I just have to go to the bathroom, I'll be back in a moment," but you can hear him squealing as he runs off, because he's so upset that his grand plan wasn't all that original.
He returns moments later with a new and improved plan that is yet to make any sense.
He then gets so nervous he completely butchers his explanation of the date, and no one has any idea what's happening when five senior citizens emerge. Are they...intruders, or?
It's clear that these five men, probably aged in their 80s are Osher's friends. He has recruited them for the date to show the men that he has a gang, too.
Turns out that each elderly man is going to speak to Georgia, with one bachelor in their ear telling them what to say. Georgia is very supportive of Osher's trying, forcing a compliment with "This is so cool!"
Courtney calls the entire activity quite "bizarre", and we're starting to think Courtney's ATTITUDE is quite bizarre.
Anyway, Georgia then eliminates one based on their lame banter. Clancy is the first to go.
Next, the men have to write Georgia a love letter (this was definitely Georgia's idea). The word poem is mentioned and OMG Rhys is turning in his grave right now...
Courtney claims that he has "writer's block" and we are so mad. THINK of something Courtney. You don't have writer's block, you're just not adequately in love and it's frustrating to watch.
Jake, Fireman Cam and Lee's love letters are legit super romantic and they cannot wait to read them out to Georgia. But Osher goes rogue because, in case you forgot, this is Osher's date. And he wants them to read out each other's letters. It's weird, it's confusing, but ultimately Courtney loses this round.
Osh pops up again excitedly jumping and repeating "Play. My. Game!" over and over again. He interrupts their chatter, and we think that that might just be what Osher is best at. 'Interrupting'. It should be the top dot point on his resume.
Now they all have to dance with Georgia while she's blind folded.
They all embrace Georgia very closely and slow dance with her. We have a few realisations:
a) Murray, otherwise known as 'The (former) Red Wiggle' is Fireman Cam in ten years...And we like it. They are alike in the face, but also in the personality.
b) Lee's face.
We cannot with Lee's face. Not from day one. It's so perfect.
While all three men give us sexual feelings, Fireman Cam wins the dancing, because after all, he is a f*cking Wiggle.
Georgia and Cam spend some one on one time together, and, as usual, Cam's demeanor can be summed up in one word: jolly.
He and Georgia have very deep conversations about things like relationships, and also making Georgia feel special, and also relationships. They kiss, and it's hot...Hot Potato, that is. Get it? GET IT?
It's time for the cocktail party, and like GENTLEMEN, the guys all stand up and greet Georgia. She makes a joke and Clancy mishears her - it's awkward, and he's definitely going home.
Lee takes Georgia aside and his strategy is not only clear, but entirely foolproof: Get. Georgia. Drunk. He's set up SEVERAL drinks that apparently have something to do with travel, and it's just so clear Georgia's about to get shit faced. We see her drink one chocolate-y flavoured alcohol and that's it - probably because after the next drink she took her top off, danced on the table, yelled "I DON'T NEED NO MAN" and ate all the roses.
At some stage she also spends some time with Jake, who reads her his letter from the weird-Osher-date. He understandably thought it was creepy AF that another guy read it to her, looking her in the eyes and shit. She almost cries at how beautiful his words are, and says "that's what I think every girl wants a guy to say about them.." Seductively he replies, "it's not for every girl," and we make a sound that resembles: uhhhhhhhnnnggggg. This just got Notebook-level romantic.
Inside, the men are having a conversation that isn't about a) peanuts, b) pretzels, or c) Sam hating Rhys. Fireman Cam is saying how weird it is that Courtney read Jake's letter, and the guys wonder whether Georgia was smart enough to know how the game worked and that Courtney didn't actually write it.
Matty comments, "Maybe they're the words she's always wanted to hear from Courtney..." and we officially dub him the most insightful man on this show by far.
We nearly fast-forwarded through the rose ceremony because it was so obvious what was going to happen. Alas, the noble Clancy was sent on his merry way.
We'll always remember the time he jumped in the pool with his mic on, and also the time he made Georgia shave his face. Oh, and he was really, really bad at ice skating.
For a guy who did so much crazy stuff, he really wasn't all that interesting.
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Listen to the Bach Chat team dissecting last night's episode here: