Last night, we met 16 eligible bachelors vying for Georgia Love’s heart.
Well, 17 if you include Chelsea, the charismatic donkey.
And I think we can all agree that we learnt A LOT about what to do, and what not to do, when it comes to dating.
What not to do, can be summarised as ‘Carlos’. Don’t;
a) Say you have Tinder, but only for business. THAT IS NOT A THING.
b) Describe yourself as a ‘business mogul’. You can only use the term ‘mogul’ to describe someone else.
It’s literally the equivalent of saying “Hi, I’m Carlos. I’m successful for a living!” Oh, um. Cool.
c) Speak in hashtags. This language convention needs to be used sparingly, if at all. And…
d) Say “hopefully you appreciate the finer things in life, and…that’s kind of what I’m about.”
Everyone knows that you have to pretend, at least for the first four to six months, that you're actually a good person with values and shit.
Poor Carlos missed this memo.
But Sam, well, he presented a new, and potentially genius set of realtionship rules...
We shall call it the "Do you like this or this" method. Mmmm. Catchy name.
Listen to Laura Brodnik and Amy Cooper discus these new dating rules in the latest episode of Bach Chat. Post continues below.
You see, there were no awkward silences between Sam and Georgia. Because there are ENDLESS things to compare. ENDLESS.
Cats or dogs?
Pineapple on pizza?
Tomato sauce in the cupboard or in the fridge?
Jim Carrey or Steve Carell?
The last one was particuarly effective, because anyone who'd choose Jim f*cking Carrey over Steve Carell is not someone you want to spend any extended period of time with.
Image via Giphy.
We feel like this G rated version of 'would you rather?' might just be the direction dating is heading, because almost every one of Sam's examples sounded like a Tinder opening line.
It's safe, it's easy, and the answers can tell you a lot about a person. We've thought of some others that Sam might like to ask on his next date:
Meeting on a reality TV show or meeting in real life?
No penis or eleven penises?
Hilary Clinton or Donald Trump? (Lol)
Guy Sebastian or Shannon Noll?
Being asked a million questions, or having a normal ADULT conversation?
The last one is what we all hope Georgia asks Sam tonight, because an entire relationship of; CEREAL OR TOAST? FLAT WHITE OR LATTE? THAI OR CHINESE? HAPPY OR SAD? sounds, quite frankly, like hell.
Unfortunately, Sam's awkward technique, is very much what dating in 2016 looks like. But getting to know someone through 'either/or' scenarios is boring AF.
So, what can we take away from the premiere of The Bachelorette? Well, you need to follow these relationship rules. Agree where your tomato sauce is going to be kept, what's going on top of your pizza and if you'll devote your life to cats or dogs.
But, most of all, if someone starts asking you these questions, it's ok to end the relationship there.
Meet our eligible bachelors...