Sorry, Bachelor contestants. If you're not mummy material, you're not good enough.

Last night on The Bachelor we separated the strong from the weak.

Yes – YES – reader friends, it was time for The Baby Challenge, where contestants proved themselves to be “women” by showing they make great mums to plastic infants.

Double points were awarded to contestants who simultaneously nursed their plastic baby while making Richie a ham sanga.

Triple points were awarded to those who could do so while rhythmically chanting the phrase “my sole purpose in life is to be a wife!”.

The 'I'm already a mum' contestant Alex had a slight upper hand, except that she has experience raising babies of the human persuasion, and arguably less experience raising plastic ones.

Deductions were handed to the "women" for the following:

  • Bottle feeding the plastic baby (breast is best!)
  • Stepping on the baby *cough* Megan *cough*
  • Talking about careers, and other nonsensical things
  • Dressing the plastic baby in anything other than a biodegradable wondersuit
  • Feeding the plastic baby anything other than flavour-free gluten-free, organic meals from the faraway mythical forest of Narnia

Anyway, this Plastic Baby Minding Thingy was undoubtedly the best challenge of the series so far, and will complement next week's 'Fallopian Tube Diameter Challenge' verrry nicely.

Your tubez might have won this round, Nikki, but who knows what comes next week.

Sources tell me we're going to see a 'Kegel Exercises Challenge' in the coming weeks, too.

What a delight! My ovaries are simply buzzing with excitement! I can't think straight! I think I need to lie down!

Listen to the latest ep of Bach Chat here:

One can only hope the season will be capped off with a fertility test and a lil 'bitta DNA profiling - now that would be a reality TV dream come true.

Because if you're not a good mum to a RoboBaby, you're just not a good enough life partner, right?

Right, guys?


... Hello?

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