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The Twins recap The Bachelor episode 14: "Liar." Matty is annihilated by his girlfriend's families.

We’re mad because it is not okay that every season when home town visits roll around, everyone just forgets about Osher like he’s not even a part of the process.

We just know that he turned up at the airport to help and then the woman at the counter had to inform him that he didn’t have a ticket. And then he had to go back to his hidey hole all by himself.

It’s too sad. 

But all Matty can think about at the moment is Matty, and how he has to choose a woman who he’ll “spend the rest of [his] life with”, which is not even a little bit true.

Somehow, despite Osher’s conspicuous absence, Matty manages to run into Tara just outside Movie World on the Gold Coast.

“IT’S MY FAVOURITE PLACE IN QUEENSLAND,” Tara yells, and behind her is a trail of 46 Red Bull cans.

She informs him that they’ve got Movie World all to themselves and no. 

Just outside of camera view are countless young families. with back packs full of snacks, who had been planning this day for months. “What about the Scooby Doo roller-coaster?” asks one child. “We’ll do it another time, Timmy,” says his mum, who quietly books a taxi to the airport so they can fly back to Germany.

But Matty and Tara don’t care about Timmy, because they’re fully grown adults who would rather not queue.

"We're so adventurous we enjoy ruining a fun day out for kids!"

After shutting down the funnest place in the Southern Hemisphere for TWO PEOPLE, they nonchalantly leave and go to Tara's sister's house.

They're greeted by several children who ask, "Do you love each other?" which TBH is a really valid question when your aunty brings some random dude home to meet the whole family. But alas, they pretend it's complicated and kids are just so silly.

Obviously aunty Tara is competing with three other women for this man to love her on a reality TV show, okay sweetie?

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Tara's brother Troy is staring Matty down from the moment he walks in, mostly because Matty is openly cheating on his sister for entertainment purposes while pretending like this situation is completely normal.

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He takes Matty aside and asks, "You may as well just tell us now, are you going to pick Tara?"

Surprisingly, Matty can't answer because of contractual obligations, and he diplomatically responds, "I wish I could tell you... at the moment I can't answer that question," and before he's even done speaking Troy says, "LIAR," in a tone that is slightly/extremely aggressive.

Cool.

"We'll cheers when you stop cheating on ma sister, mate."

Matty explains that the last thing he wants to do is hurt anyone's feelings, which sounds like a lie, considering he chose to, er, DATE 22 WOMEN ALL AT THE SAME TIME AND THEN DUMP THEM ONE BY ONE ON THE TV.

Tara downs another three Red Bulls and then they walk outside to farewell each other. She says she's falling in love and Matty is silent.

STOP IT'S FLORENCE'S TURN and... oh. Oh now this is embarrassing.

Channel Ten thinks they can convince us we're in Holland because they found a windmill and a bike, which is frankly insulting.

We're... not... idiots?
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A basket doesn't mean you're in Holland...

It becomes clear... immediately, that they're just in a quirky park in Melbourne.

Flo makes them get on bikes with baskets and ride to a picnic and honestly we don't know how any of this stuff got done without Osher's counsel.

She tells Matty that her parents and siblings are in Amsterdam so he'll just be meeting her two best friends.

"They couldn't make the trip?" Matty asks with a tone of disappointment and, um, no.

They couldn't fly from f*cking Holland to Australia which is like 24 hours in transit to meet a guy who she's not actually... dating.

"I thought they'd spend all their savings on coming to Australia for a few hours."
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We like Flo's parents. They seem reasonable.

When they reach Flo's friend's house, it's evident that Matty kind of just crashed a girl's night. As she catches up with one of her friends, Flo turns to Matty and says, "Let go of my hand... it's okay," and Jesus they're clearly breaking up now.

But Matty's stuck in the house of people he doesn't know, and Marley decides it's time to interrogate him.

She tells asks him a) why he chose to be on this show, b) it's because you just want to be famous, c) it's not real, and d) I hate you because you're stupid.

"I hate me too."

Flo doesn't give AF because she just wanted to hang out with her friends and Matty was being kind of clingy tbh.

As he leaves, Flo says she can see a future with him, but Matty is worried she'll go back to Holland even though she says she won't.

ANYWHO - MATTY FOUND ELISE ON A MOUNTAIN.

For the third time tonight, Matty asks who he should look out for, and Elise says her mum Maree has "the devil on her shoulder" which is kind of a messed up thing to say, and for the third time tonight Matty says, "Well that's not what you want to hear."

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UGH WE GET IT. FFS.

But when he arrives he feels completely at ease, so offers to help Maree in the kitchen. Then with no warning she blurts out, "I don't trust you" which... okay. 

She's mad Matty didn't ask Elise out on a date for the first six weeks of his dating competition, pls.

"Initially it's difficult when you have 22 women in the mansion," Matty explains, and Maree isn't even marginally... sympathetic.

"I just wanted some snacks."

Out of nowhere, Maree gets over it, and says he's very good at mashing the potato.

STOP, PLS. WE'RE IN SYDNEY.

Oh. It's a three-legged dog named Buster and we like him very much.

Buster is precisely what this episode was missing.
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Matty and Laura live a few minutes away from each other which feels a little bit like an advantage.

He meets three generations of Laura's family, and you can hear grandma in the background asking, "who the f*ck is this and why are there cameras?"

Laura's sister asks Matty, "Do you think she's the one?" and he replies, "I can't give you the answer you want to hear..." and Jesus we've already watched this exact conversation happen and ENOUGH.

As Matty's leaving, Laura says she likes him etc. etc. but Matty feels like she's holding back, so asks, "How do you feel?" At this point we can honestly say we give zero sh*ts about how anyone feels anymore.

Laura says, "don't do this Matty," unless he can say it back and it's all very dramatic and IF YOU WANTED A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP WITH OPEN COMMUNICATION WHY ARE WE ALL HERE.

Just when we thought this show was getting out of control, we're back at the mansion and Osher's here now.

He is calm but also direct. Someone is going home. And it's definitely going to be Flo.

"You want to know why my family didn't come?"

Flo does not receive a rose and look, she's just really glad her parents didn't fly from Holland to meet a man she went on four dates with.

UNTIL NEXT WEEK.

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