'My sister-in-law announced she was pregnant at my baby's funeral.'

The loss of a child is life-altering, and the thoughtlessness of others that can make grief even more difficult.

In a recent AITA (Am I The A**hole) post on Reddit, one woman, aged 28, shared the reality of grieving for a child, and the difficulty of navigating life following loss, after her daughter died from cancer.

What made the experience that much more difficult was learning her sister-in-law had chosen the baby's funeral to inform others that she was newly pregnant.

Watch: The reality of parents who are living through grief of child loss. Post continues after video. 

Video via OGS.

"In 2020, I gave birth to my daughter. In 2022, she passed away after a fight with childhood cancer," the grieving mother wrote. 

"It was the hardest time of both my and my husband's entire life. Since then, it's been a struggle every day and I miss her more than I ever thought I could miss someone. It's like a part of me was lost with her."

She continued by sharing that she felt her daughter's memory was tarnished when her sister-in-law told everyone she was expecting.

"Shortly after she passed away, we had a memorial service for her. That is where my SIL decided to tell people that she was expecting," she said. 


"She didn't make any big announcements or anything but more than 10 people at the service 'heard' and it's what everyone was talking about. To understate it, I was livid."

Following her daughter's death, the mother found out she was pregnant again – but as her own sister began planning a baby shower, the mother was sure she didn't want to invite her sister-in-law along.

"My own sister wanted to plan a baby shower. I said, 'Okay' and I’ve been working on who I want to invite. I don't want SIL there," she wrote, adding that her SIL was a "vindictive and mean person". 

"... I cannot stand her. I don't want her there. I mentioned it to my husband and he says he could care less whether she's there or not," she continued before asking for advice.

"To save face, I want opinions before I do this. [Would I be] the a**hole for not inviting her? I would still be inviting my other two SILs (my husband's other sister and my husband's brother's wife). She'd be the only one not invited."

The nearly 2000 comments on the post mostly agreed with the mother, pointing out that if her own husband "could care less", then it was a good decision to follow her gut.

"You're not the a**hole. If anyone (she) asks why the other SILs were invited and she wasn't, explain that they didn't announce their pregnancy at your daughter's funeral," one person wrote.

Another said, "You said she is mean and vindictive, so be prepared. If she has a girl, she may use your little girl's name for her child." In response, the mother who made the post pointed out that her SIL had already given birth to a boy "and named him the same name that her own sister had wanted for years".


Others advised the mother to cut her SIL out of her family's life. 

"I can't believe you’re still in contact with her at all. She knew what she was doing, big announcement or not," a comment read. 

Lexi Behrdnt, who has experienced the loss of a child herself, has previously written about parental grief for Mamamia, and shared her own advice, saying not to "dig" into a grieving parent's feelings.

"Let parents offer up how they are 'really' doing when they are ready, and don't be offended if they never choose to confide in you or come to you," she wrote.

"Don't be intrusive unless you know them very well. And I mean very well. Most I know would rather be given space to offer up their true feelings. Still feel free to check in on them, but just don't dig."

Lexi also advised loved ones of a grieving parent to continue talking, and to avoid shelling out advice.

"Please don't pretend to know more than the grieving parents. With the best of intentions, everyone wants to say something to fix the situation or to help the parents. Sometimes the best things to say are just to let them know you are sorry and that you remember their child.

"Please don't instruct on grief or loss if you have not experienced it."

You can read Lexi Behrdnt's full story on how to speak to a grieving parent here.

Feature Image: Getty.