by DEVON CORNEAL
How do you feel when you get on a plane and there’s a baby nearby? While children on a plane are not quite as horrifying as, say, snakes, their presence does lead to a certain amount of hostility from other travelers.
Babies wail during take-offs and landings. Toddlers kick the back of your seat, talk too loudly, spill drinks, sneeze, and get in everyone’s way. Older kids fight with their parents, complain, and drown out their irritation at being forced to go visit a national park by cranking the volume on their iPods.
Parents anticipate this. We know, before we ever step on a plane that the other passengers hate us. They will roll their eyes, sigh, judge and glower. They dread being trapped in a metal tube at 30,000 feet with the under-21-crowd for any length of time.
I have seen the disappointed looks of my flight-mates when they notice Little Dude sitting near them. I’ve read the stories of children being kicked off of commercial flights. I even watched an episode of a PBS cartoon in which a woman on an airplane sighed and irritably requested that the family sitting across from her do something about their crying baby. When PBS thinks you’re a pain in the ass, you know there’s a problem.
To appease our fellow passengers, we parents consult travel guides, websites and blogs looking for tips and tricks to keep our offspring happy, calm, and, most importantly, quiet. Some of those ideas are useful: bringing new toys or books along, downloading movies or TV shows on iPads or DVD players, planning for snack and naptime. Some suggestions are horrifying. Like the advice to buy our fellow travelers drinks, offer earplugs and apologize over and over and over again to minimize the hatred coming at us from all sides.
Seriously? I already feel guilty. I’m weighed down by a carry-on filled with sippy cups, fruit snacks, board games, toys, crayons, stickers, coloring books, electronic babysitters (by the way, HUGE shout out to Steve Jobs for the iPad. I owe you about $5,000 in babysitting fees), blankies, pillows, stuffed animals, and my own earplugs. Now I have to carry 30 extra pairs and a cash reserve to get everyone else drunk so they don’t throw my kid out the window? These are my options?