People are sharing their awkward sex stories on Reddit and we officially want to become monks and live the rest of our days in celibacy.
Seriously, sex is cancelled.
We do not want.
Speaking of cringe, watch Mamamia staff reveal their Tinder stories. Post continues after…
We do, however, want very much to read/laugh/cry at said stories, because pushing ourselves to the very limits of second-hand embarrassment until one day it actually kills us, is what the internet is for, right?
We also decided to pool some our own from the Mamamia office, and I now know my colleagues on a level of intimacy I wasn’t quite prepared for.
From the hilarious, to the shocking, to the “how quickly can I leave the country”, here are the most mortifying sex stories we’ve ever heard, split conveniently into categories for your cringing pleasure.
(And all names have been changed… because, well, the reasons will became very obvious.)
In the “bodily functions” category, we have:
Rachael – “A guy was doing it from behind and suddenly I saw blood spray all over the wall in front of me and he was going ‘oh my god, oh my god, oh my god’. Turned out he’d had stitches in his hand and they had burst open. I had no idea what was happening but it was kind of scary.”