By BERN MORLEY
“What’s a 69, Mum?”
“Is this a back massager?”
See, children by their very nature, are curious little creatures. From the minute they can talk they are on a quest for knowledge. “How long until my birthday?”, “Why is Daddy still asleep?”, “Why can’t I eat my boogers?” (19 days, because he drank too much beer last night and because it’ll give you worms). See, those questions are easy for parents to answer. The others though, the ones that throw you under the bus and/or put you very harshly on the spot, they aren’t so easy to answer.
Take yesterday for example. I was dropping my son into school, when in front of his teacher he decided that then would be a good time to ask me this:
“Mum, what’s a dildo?”
The teacher looked at me, his classmates within earshot looked at me, and me? Well let’s just say that I wouldn’t have minded if the school chose THAT particular moment to set off the fire alarm. Luckily, as I was both time-poor and ill prepared, I calmly told him that I’d get back to him about it later that night and watched as his teacher directed him inside, ever so slightly hiccupping with barely contained laughter.