As I was trying to convince my daughter, Casey, to take her finger out of her ear and wash both hands, the middle stall door opened and a young girl of about nine came out. She took one look at my 5’9” adult son, Rob, rocking and humming by the restroom door and got a scared look on her face.
“It’s OK sweetie — he’s with me. He can’t go into a bathroom by himself,” I tried to explain over his humming. “Buddy, come here so she can wash her hands.” My son came right to me, but he wasn’t happy. The little girl darted out and I felt like crying. My daughter finally finished washing her hands and we could leave the bathroom — only to be confronted by the little girl, her angry father and a mall security guard.
“What the hell was that guy doing in the bathroom with my daughter?” the father yelled at me. His yelling upset my kids even more. Rob really started rocking back and forth, and Casey began to giggle her nervous giggle.
“They both have autism — he can’t go into a bathroom by himself, unless he’s the only person in there,” I tried to explain.
The father didn’t want to hear it — he was pointedly looking at my kids with anger and they both felt it. I knew I only had a few seconds before this bad situation got even worse and one of them had a meltdown or started yelling anxiety noises. I looked at the security guard and explained that public restrooms are too loud for them; their ears are super sensitive to sounds.
“He can’t go in to a restroom if I can’t stand outside the door and know he is safe. He was in the stall. She didn’t see anything he was doing and he didn’t see her.” I could feel sweat running down my back and tears were coming. Why in the world had I even brought the kids to the store? I just wanted to go home, have a good cry and forget about autism for a while.
Thankfully, the security guard pulled the man away, and we could pay for our things and leave. Once we got in the car and the music started, both Casey and Rob settled down. I was still fighting tears and was so tired. So darn tired. A day that had started out being so much fun, with shopping and laughing, was completely ruined. The hardest part was that I knew that it would happen again, and again, and again.
When women see a cute little boy in the restroom with his mum, they don’t think anything about it. When they see an adult man, they panic. I completely understand this — I really do. But one look at my son and anyone would know something is different. He won’t make eye contact with people and he is often humming quietly to himself. Maybe they wouldn’t recognise his behaviors as autism, but they would know something was off.
Top Comments
I know this is a tricky situation but let us be real. There is mothers out there that let their little boys use the male restroom with the mothers standing outside who might call out to see if their sons need their help. Maybe you can do that, instead of you feeling embarrassed to go into the male restroom. Swallow your pride and go in if he calls out for you to help him. I can just imagine how embarrassing it is for him to keep going into the female restroom to do his business. How about doing that for a bit, I'm sure males would understand with you going in helping him. Instead of women/girls having to listen as you explain the situation over and over.
My husband lets our 7 year old daughter go into the ladies’ toilet alone in shopping centres- she’s at the age where she definitely doesn’t want dad to come in with her. We’d be very uncomfortable with teen or adult males being present in the ladies’ toilets. It might shake her confidence so much she doesn’t want to go out with her dad without mum present - this would be the last thing we’d want.