By DAVE THORNTON
Let’s be honest, Australia: our national sporting colours are Green and Gold. Green and Silver just doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it?
Still, that’s what we were at the last Olympics. Silver for our second places and Green for the envy we felt towards the countries who beat us (I’m looking at you Great Britain. I mean, seriously, you’re an empire not a country. You don’t see us recruiting China and winning every medal up for grabs, under the banner ‘Great Asia’).
The Olympics finished 8 MONTHS AGO. That’s right. A lifetime ago. (I think back then people still hadn’t heard of Gangnam Style – how did they even survive?)
Yet it wasn’t until this week, that what happened at a pre-Olympic 4 x 100m men’s swimming team bonding session in Manchester was revealed.
What do most people do to bond? Trust exercises? Maybe braid each other’s hair?
Well, the boys went to the movies, had dinner and then jacked up on Stilnox and went door knocking around the ladies’ sleeping quarters. You know – the usual. I’m not sure if that was in the manual for Australian Athletes’ Etiquette or something that Nick D’Arcy suggested at gunpoint, but either way people are pretty hot and bothered by these events.
There is talk of banning all the swimmers involved from ever competing again and making Ian Thorpe breed with Suzie O’Neil to create a league of super swimmers (OK, that last bit was my idea and granted it may take A LOT OF WORK for that to occur).
The six swimmers involved – James Magnussun, James Roberts, Cameron McEvoy, Matt Target, Eamon Sullivan and Tommaso D’Orsonga – held a press conference today and all looked suitably sheepish. Some would even say nervous – in fact, James ‘The Missile” Magnussen was sweating like a glazed donut.