RECAP: Step aside Lee and El, Australian Survivor just created a new power couple.

Look, a deserted island lacking food, shelter, warmth, showers, sanitary products and more than two sets of clothes isn’t the first place I’d go looking for love (that’s what cruise ships are for, duh). But following the footsteps of last season’s great Survivor love story, Lee and El, it appears to have happened yet again.

Except unlike Lee and El, no one actually likes this season’s couple in question, Mark and Sam, all that much.

Mark is a 37-year-old former special ops commander from Western Australia. He’s wistful, takes long pensive stares into the sunset, and on the few occasions that he does talk it’s mostly about how he used to lead men into battle and knows all about the mentality of warfare. He also just launched his own fashion line, so, um, make of that what you will.

australian survivor sam and mark
Source: Channel 10.

Mark says he has the ability to look at someone and know if they want to kill him or be his friend, which sounds like a useful skill to have in service stations late at night. But far out, can someone please remind him that this is just a reality television show and remove all sharp objects stat? Jeez.

For a while, Mark's tribe seem to like him. He's strong and tall and good at challenges. But then he had to go and cosy up with Sam.

Sam is a 32-year-old endurance athlete from Victoria. She's a self-confessed control freak and for reasons yet to be disclosed thinks her tribe owes allegiance to her, which is interesting given Survivor is based on the premise of literally not doing that better than everyone else until there are no other competitors left standing.

australian survivor sam and mark
Source: Channel 10.

Ahead of the first elimination, Sam issued orders on who was to go home and how her alliance was to vote. Naturally, people weren't all that into it, and when they used their god given democratic right and voted how they wanted, little Napoleon got reaaaaaal mad and wanted to know who had dared defy her.

Obviously, it was not Mark because Mark wants to smooch Sam under the palms trees and make a coconut bra for her to wear during challenges.

"Since day one on the barge, I could feel a bit of a closeness with Sam," Mark admitted on Tuesday.

Listen: Love all things television and entertainment? Why not check out The Binge. Post continues... 

"If I met her on the outside and she was single I definitely, definitely would be keen on her. She's probably half my weight but twice as dangerous in this game. At this stage, my plan is to stick with Sam really closely in the hope that we consummate our relationship would go to the end together."

Whether or not going to the end together means making it to the Survivor finale or reaching third base, we're still not sure.

Arising from her love bubble, Sam suddenly remembers the premise of Survivor and begins worrying that her head may be on the elimination chopping block. She then interrogates people as to whether that's true and dear God, I've seen inanimate objects with more tact.


Mostly, her tribe acts dumb because it's easier than having a conversation with someone so terrifying, but Sarah decides to risk her life and confesses that yes, Sam's name has been thrown around.

"I can't believe that because I'm someone that's been getting on with people that's been perceived as being a threat," Sam responds, completely unaware of just how few people she's been getting on with. "It makes me mad. I'm going to find out the source of where that information was coming from and put a target on your back and make sure you are who we're going to vote out next."

Weird that people aren't into you, Sam. Super weird. But like high school, adult life is also cruel and unkind and makes little sense.

Perhaps most worryingly in this episode, though, is the realisation that not a single contestant knows where they are.

australian survivor sam and mark
Source: Channel 10.

When talking about Sam, Mark refers to "the outside."

When complaining about her teammate's relationship, Michelle said she wants to find a subservient male just like Mark "in the outside world."

People, take a god damned look around you. YOU ARE ALL OUTSIDE.

Honestly, if they don't know that they're currently on a stretch of land that is absolutely, definitely outside, we're in for some incredible viewing in the coming weeks.

00:00 / ???