real life

The on-screen relationship we've seen a million times. But nobody talks about.

We’ve all seen the trailer for the new movie ‘Bad Neighbours’, right?

You know, the one where the hot young frat guy moves in next door to the married couple with a new baby, and trouble and hilarity ensue. Box office gold.

In case you haven’t, here you go:

The hot young frat guy is played by a mostly shirtless Zac Efron, who just quietly, is doing a stellar job at ditching his Disney image. It appears that of 97 minutes in the film, Efron spends 95 of them half-naked, showcasing just how much free time he has to spend in the gym now that High School Musical isn’t taking up his whole day.

And the happily married couple with the new bub is played by Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne.

Seth Rogen.

And Rose Byrne.

Seth Rogen, the pale, overweight, generally dishevelled-looking comedian.

And Rose Byrne, the statuesque, gorgeous, stunningly beautiful goddess of a human being.

Of course. Naturally.

Now let’s be clear, we’re not being superficial. We all know very well that looks aren’t everything. Looks fade. Looks don’t keep you warm at night. And various other wise sayings our grandmothers told us.

Rose Byrne and Seth Rogen in Bad Neighbours.

Seth Rogen is a funny guy. Not that I know him personally. But in every interview and film I’ve seen him in, he’s pretty darn hilarious. Hell, I’d probably marry him given the opportunity. Imagine how entertaining your life would be.

So of course, its understandable that even though he isn’t much in the looks department, a guy like Seth Rogen probably could in actual fact nab a mega-babe like Rose Byrne. Because he’s funny.

That’s the way it is. Homer and Marge Simpson. Charlotte York and Harry Goldenblatt. Peter and Lois Griffin. Tony and Carmella Soprano. Fred and Wilma Flintstone. Turtle and virtually every girl he dates for the entire eight seasons of Entourage. Sitcoms According To Jim, Still Standing, Grounded For Life and King of Queens all feature overweight, scruffy protagonists with insanely hot wives.

So it’s okay for men to be pale, overweight, unshaven, have their boxer shorts hanging out of their pants and look like they’ve slept in a dumpster – as long as they’re funny. Does that mean that women can still be deemed attractive and score a hot guy if their best attribute is their humour, too?

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Oh hell no, you silly girls!

Jack Black and Gwyneth Paltrow in Shallow Hal.

Go get your spray tans. Go eat your #cleaneating diet. Go get your hair extensions. Get your fake nails. Wax your legs. Wax your eyebrows. Wax your bikini line. Plaster on your make-up. Spend an hour every morning with your GHD making sure you have ‘Victoria’s Secret curls’. Make sure you stay a size 6. If you get to a size 8, go buy some Spanx to suck all that fat in and make you look thinner. Get breast implants. If you can’t afford them, buy ‘extreme boost’ padded bras that make your boobs looks three sizes bigger than they are. Get your teeth whitened. Dry brush your arse before you go to bed every night to get rid of that cellulite. And for Christ’s sake, make sure you have a thigh gap.

Women are not attractive because of their personalities, their intellect or their wit. They are attractive because of the way they look on the outside.

When was the last time you saw a curvier (or actually, just a normal-sized) actress cast alongside a Hollywood heartthrob? I don’t know about you, but the only one I can think of is Shallow Hal when Jack Black dated Gwyneth Paltrow in a fat suit. But even then, Gwyneth was only fat for about five minutes in that whole movie. The rest of the time fat Hal thought he was dating a bombshell.

Of course, this notion that men are allowed to be average looking if they’re funny, but women are not, is utterly ridiculous and a huge double standard.

It is wonderful sentiment that Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne could be happily married, and that what’s on the outside doesn’t really matter; as long as you can put a smile on the face of the person you love.

So Hollywood, knock it off. And for whatever rom-com you have coming out next, I want to see Ryan Gosling and Rebel Wilson living happily ever after.

Kirsty is a 25-year old PR executive who is addicted to coffee, porridge and correcting people’s grammar. Originally from sunny Perth, Kirsty has spent some time living in Sydney enjoying life in the big smoke. When all the window-shopping at The Intersection became too much to bear and the likelihood of wrapping her head around NRL went from slim to non-existent, Kirsty returned home to the west. Although the more expensive coffee is a downside, the plus is that the slower pace of Western Australia provides much more time to dedicate to writing. You can follow Kirsty’s ramblings on Twitter at @kirstypetrides and on her blog Letters To Losers.

Do you think it’s a problem that movies consistently depict very attractive women with the ‘funny’ male lead? Would you like to see the roles reversed?