lifestyle

17 habits of highly annoying people in an office.

We’re providing you with this comprehensive list of insufferable office behaviour as a public service.

Because we know there are gentle souls out there, tormented by the loud chewers and the personal space invaders of this world.

We present this list without advice on how to behave next…

You could print it out and stick it to the office fridge (that’d make you a #14). You could do a dramatic reading of the whole post while other people are trying to get on with work (hello, #5). Or, you could continue to say nothing as you watch the office Fridge Idiot eat someone else’s sandwich
(sound like a #1).

Whatever man, we compiled the list of the most annoying work colleague habits. Do with it what you will.

1. The person who fundamentally misunderstands how a fridge works.

Know that big cold box in the kitchen? Yeah, it refrigerates stuff. It doesn’t keep your milk/yoghurt/sandwich mould-free forever. Throw shit out when it rots. Oh, and don’t eat other people’s food – you’re not a puppy.

2. The person who speaks so slowly you can almost see your life slipping by as they talk.

Go home, set an egg timer, and practice getting to the point within a humanly acceptable time period.

3. The person who consumes smelly canned goods in confined spaces without sufficient ventilation.

Guzzling canned tuna in a windowless cubicle should be illegal. Partake in this activity with the knowledge that everyone hates you.

4. The person who gets all up in your grill.

Give every other human in the office an arm-length radius of personal space at all times. Non-negotiable.

5. The person who sings loudly to music only they can hear through headphones.

Spontaneous Karaoke is only acceptable on allocated party time. Otherwise, shuddupayaface.

ears
Image: Matthew Inman.
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6. The person who comes into the office sick just to prove how dedicated they are.

Keep your germs to yourselves, sneeze machine. It’s more respectful to stay at home and recover than cough in everyone’s faces to demonstrate your own importance to the company. Go home.

7. The one who chews food loudly like an inconsiderate cow.

This includes slurping soup, breathing deeply while eating, and masticating food in-mouth with great volume. Have some dignity.

8. The one who behaves like a feral beast in the kitchen.

Dishwasher Deniers are a very special breed of unbearable. Is it so hard to rinse your plate, stack it, and keep our society civilized?

9. The person who steals your favourite mug and makes eye contact with you while drinking from it.

You’re a monster.

10. The person who shares details of a toilet visit.

Just no. Never.

11. The one who sniffles and snuffles all day long.

Get a tissue. Blow your nose. Refer to annoying habit #6.

12. The person who types so loudly it’s like they’re playing a set of tiny weird drums.

Dude, it’s not a type-writer. Tap them keys gentle-like.

13. The person who takes long personal calls in an open-plan office.

Everyone knows it’s common courtesy to huddle awkwardly by the stairwell or lift to make gyno appointments or debrief on a one night stand. Dah.

14. The one who leaves passive-aggressive notes in common spaces.

Ugh-town. Don’t.

15. The one who has involved conversations with their computer screen.

Them: “Why aren’t you working today?”

Computer: “Everyone hates you.”

16. The person who forgets basic hygiene rituals.

Without showers, deodorant, toothpaste, and soap, we are no better than feral animals.

17. And finally, there’s the person who makes a list of annoying things colleagues do and puts it on the internet.

Oh.

Have you got any to add? 

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