Christmas time; (noun). The time of year when people book expensive flights to see their families and eat ham.
And if you’re one of them, you’ll know how full and frustrating the flights are. Full of people who slam their seats back into your lunch. People who slow down the boarding process. People who fart and don’t own up.
Unless you are one of them. In which case, please kick yourself in the shin for me.
If you are screwing up any of these eight things, stop it. Stop it now.
How to: Be a better passenger (and give a flying f**k).
1. Get your stuff out of your bag BEFORE you board.
Don’t wait until you get to your seat to unpack something from your overhead luggage, get it out beforehand. In my experience, it’s the businessmen that are the worst. They fly so often, they forget the etiquette, and wait until there is one hundred people behind them on the tarmac before they take off their suit jacket, take their laptop from their bag, fold their jacket into the bag, put the bag overhead, stand in the way for ten minutes to think about the mating habits of stick insects, and then eventually sit down.
2. If the seatbelt sign is on, put your damn seatbelt on.
I know it makes me seem anal retentive, but just do it. Sit down, get over yourself, and obey the light, AIGHT?
3. Put your seat back gently, people.
If you must put your seat back for a nap, and you can’t see the passenger behind you, recline with a gentle slowness, so you don’t accidentally cause their tray table to slam into their boobs. Just me? Grrr.
4. If your child is annoying, pretend to look guilty.
One time, a kid kept burping and blowing it in my face while his mother smiled and ignored it. If she had at least pretended to feel bad, I would have given her a polite “it’s okay!” wink, instead of pushing her kid out of the Emergency Exit. (Just kidding… ahem…)