According to research, almost half of us have engaged in anal sex. But women are rarely honest about what this experience entails, what the risks are, and what we should be prepared for.
So we’ve sourced the most graphic anal sex horror stories from our office and the web, in order to explore the reality behind a sexual act which is taboo unlike any other.
“Okay, so when my husband and I first met we went a bit crazy and had a lot of anal sex. I sort of liked it for a while but it took A LONG TIME to be ready for it, if you know what I mean? Now we haven’t done it in years. But what happened was we sort of were in this weird sexual phase were we were conflicted between vaginal and anal and just random stabbing in random holes (WHAT THE HELL WERE WE THINKING).
So my husband started doing both and I ended up with a horrible infection that smelled like a rat had crawled up my vag and died. I didn’t realise it was because of our irresponsible sexual behaviour until the FOURTH time I had to go to the doctor and he was like, “What are you guys doing? Don’t you know that once you go to the back during sex you can’t go back to the front?” He referred me to a sex education course. I was MORTIFIED.
So we stopped doing that and would pick a hole before hand. But he would still do oral all over the place and I ended up with that infection again. I went to a DIFFERENT doctor and was treated and am sooooo careful now. For ages he’d accidentally go there, it gets slippery down there, and as soon as his penis went anywhere NEAR the back, no matter how slight, I’d be like, “Okay hon, we’re done” and jump in the shower and scrub so I didn’t end up with that infection again.
I think he just has really bad aim or or he does it accidentally on purpose, like whoops, anal sex again and I’m like, I wasn’t ready for that! Plus, infection.” – Sarah, 37.
Hear Madison talk with ‘prude’ Carla GS on The Prude and The Pornstar about everything butt sex related… (Post continues after audio.)
I got ‘stuff’ on him.
“First time doing anal, about a week or two ago. I had done all the right stuff beforehand, so we started having sex…and after a couple minutes, he wanted to try doggie, so I was like, ok. We start to move a little and he sits up, and I hear him say “uhhhhh…”
I looked behind me and there’s, ya know, stuff on him. Which means there’s stuff on ME. It wasn’t a lot, and it was well…liquidy… but I was SO embarassed I couldn’t even look at him. He went to take a shower.
The good thing was, we’re really close and he shrugged it off. Also, I got in the shower with him too. I haven’t told anyone this yet. We joked about it afterwards, so no hard feelings, but that was mortifying.” – Anon, Reddit.
Too. Much. Lube.
“I’d always wanted to check anal sex off my bucket list and finally it was happening.
We’d used a lot of lube and were really getting into it until we noticed a horrible smell.
Apparently, we used too much lube and our love-making turned into some sort of freaky colonoscopy/sloshy enema colonic. ACK! Instant buzzkill!
My partner pulled his penis out quickly and got in the shower to rinse off. He was almost crying as all that liquid poop washed away from him while I was still cleaning off the mattress as I tried not to throw up. This forever cured me of my need for anal sex.” —Becca, 32, Cosmo.
"So, the boy and I like some backdoor fun from time to time. We talk about it more than we do it because it's tiresome to get ready and clean up after... usually worth it though ;).
One Saturday afternoon, the boy is performing some world class cuminonumbulus when I feel a pressure at my nether orifice. I soon realised he was using some beads on me. We had some filthy and very very satisfying sex, then I went to the bathroom to clean up without removing the beads.
But eventually, I sat on the toilet to get the beads out.
I'm so glad I did that.
Those beads were solidly embedded in a great big turd.
I just stared at it dumbly for a moment before the smell hit me." - Anon, Reddit.
It was too painful.
"My partner and I really wanted to try it, and had been talking about it for months. We'd tease each other about it to get in the mood.
But when the time came, I freaked out.
We tried for what felt like hours, and it wouldn't go in. We attempted different positions, different angles, lube, foreplay, everything.
The whole thing ended with me crying in bed, feeling embarrassed and silly.
I'm never going to try it again. If it doesn't work, and it doesn't feel good, why force it?" - Sarah, 34.
Ultimately, the decisions around what goes on in the bedroom are purely between you and your partner, but don't feel pressured into doing (or not doing) something simply because of what you've seen in pornography or what a small number of people say. As with most sexual experiences, anal sex isn't for everyone. But some women enjoy it, and if you're with someone you trust, you don't need to worry about any of the unexpected (or hilarious) side effects.
The award-winning podcast Mamamia Out Loud is doing their first live show. There will be laughs, disagreements and you can meet the hosts afterwards! We’re also donating $5 of every ticket price to Share The Dignity so grab your friends and come along to share the love and laughs, get your tickets here.