Stop.
While you were selfishly living your life and seeing your loved ones and doing other totally non-important things this weekend, there were cataclysmic developments in the biggest news story of the year decade.
The Bachelor‘s Alex and Richie, people. You missed so much news about Alex and Richie.
Yes, you selfish person who lacks priorities, you. As you chomped down brunch and helped your mother-in-law bake a frittata, our favourite franchise was in disarray. Its golden couple weren’t just breaking up, they were sending every tabloid from here to Perth into overdrive – one salacious headline at a time.
Listen: Zara McDonald and I debrief on the latest episode of The Bachelor 2017. (Post continues…)
But never fear. Breathe. It’s going to be okay. I have worked tirelessly over the last 72 hours to gather every skerrick of information for you, so all of us can be on the same page. (Mum, if you’re reading, I told you a degree in journalism would be so much better than law):
Act One: The blindside
So we have Alex Nation, the token single mum who won The Bachelor 2016, and Richie Strahan, rope access technician. We know the pair have broken up at some point this year because 1. They haven’t posted a selfie together in months, which in reality TV star Instagram time equals a millennium and 2. Last week a sneaky pap took photos of Alex snogging someone who wasn’t Richie at all, but instead was a woman from her footy club, Maegan Luxa.
Anyway, Richie and Alex are no longer together… because like bubble baths and Patrick’s stint on Offspring, all good things must come to an end. And in B-grade celebrity world, that means all things must ALSO be shared with New Idea.
One of Richie’s good “friends” spilt the beans about the saga to the gossip mag, because what are friends for, right?!

"Rich is totally heartbroken - he really is shattered. He feels as though his world, dreams and hopes have come crashing down overnight," Richie's very distant acquaintance from high school said in a very measured and not at all hyperbolic way.
"He wants a second chance and has asked her to take him back in a kind of begging way," the source stranger added. "But she is adamant there is no going back. He has cried about this. Another chance would make him happy."