“How was your first day of high school?”
“It was not as good as I thought it was going to be. Everyone already knows each other. They already have their friendship groups. I don’t know if they want anything to do with me. I don’t know where I fit in.”
This week, teenagers had their first day of high school. It’s an exciting time for some, but for others, not so much. Mamamia asked 11 women to share the advice they’d give their 13-year-old selves about starting at a new school, making friends and the big, bright, wonderful life waiting for them after high school. (Even when it might feel like that life couldn’t possibly exist.)
If your teen has just started high school, make this is the one thing they read today.
Leigh, 35
Dear 13-year-old me,
Everyone will tell you not to worry and that you’ll make friends soon. That’s true BUT, that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to feel scared or anxious now.
Your feelings are totally valid and real. You’re allowed to feel lonely, and like you don’t want to go back tomorrow. While it feels like everyone already has their groups or knew each other from before, there are other people there feeling exactly the way you feel right now.
They’re telling their parents they don’t want to go back and they hate it. They feel sick too. So while you feel so alone, you’re really not. Try to think positively but also know its okay to feel scared. Talk to your parents, your aunty or uncle, or any loved one. Sharing and not bottling things up can really help.
Jess, 23
Dear 13-year-old me,
I know it feels like you’re really lacking in confidence, you’re nervous around people and you have trouble speaking out in class, but change is slow and you’re working on it.
You’re unsure of yourself, but everyone else is too, and that’s something that’s going to slowly get better with age and life. One day you’ll look back at how different and more confident you are since you were that 13 year old, and smile.
Nama, 41
Dear 13-year-old me,
Making new friends is part of life. I’m starting from scratch this year, too, and I know it sometimes feels like no one likes you, but that’s not what’s happening.
Everyone has their own thoughts in their heads, and you’d be surprised to learn they are often just as nervous as you. If you just remember to respect yourself first, great friendships will happen. You are kind and funny and the right people who love that will come along.
And don’t forget the day is really short. Recess is 20 minutes, and lunch is 45. So even if you are on your own, it’s not that long, and it’s better than being with people who don’t respect themselves enough to be respectful of others.
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Jessie, 27
Dear 13-year-old me,
Before I started year seven my nana told me that it’s okay to sit back. To watch. And to let people come to you. I’m an innately shy person, and it always takes me a little bit of time to warm up. I think about this advice all the time.